Dad: I dreamed all last night, that everyone I ever sold a car to came back for a refund. And there you were, handing out the checks! One for you, and one for you.
Dad: Refund? Refund? Are you crazy! Refund? Refund? Refund?
Dad: He's never tired. He's never miserable.
Mom: He's young.
Dad: When I was young I was tired and miserable.
Mom: Well, you could use some help. What if you gave him a job?
Dad: I don't want him sellin' used cars.
Mom: Why not? It's good enough for you.
Dad: Who says its good enough for me?
Mom: You do.
Dad: Damn right, it's good enough for me. But, I don't need any help. And he'd ruin me if I hired him. A weirdo kid like that. Jeez.
Cyril: I wonder what its like to kiss a coed. I wonder about that a lot.
Dave: Buon giorno, papa.
Dad: I'm not "papa." I'm your god-damned father.
Dave: Everybody cheats. I just didn't know.
Dad: Well, now you know.
Dad: God-damned see-thru coffee.
Mom: He was very sickly until he started riding around on that bicycle.
Dad: Yeah... well... now his body's fine, but his mind is gone.
Dad: You guys still go swimmin' in the quarries?
Dave: Sure.
Dad: So, the only thing you got to show for my 20 years of work is the holes we left behind?
Mike's Brother: How are you fellas doing?
Cyril: Well, we're a little disturbed by developments in the Middle East, but.
Mom: What's the matter?
Dad: He's shavin'.
Mom: Well... so what?
Dad: ...his legs.
Cyril: When you're 16 they call it Sweet 16 and when you're 18 you get to drink and and vote and see dirty movies. What the hell do you get to do when you're 19?
Mike: You leave home.
Cyril: My Dad said that Jesus never went further than 50 miles from his home.
Mike: Well, look what happened to him.
Dad: If you eat so much, Moocher, how come you're so damned small?
Moocher: Oh... It's my metabolism. I eat 3 times a day and my metabolism eats 5 times a day.
Cyril: I sure miss playing basketball. I got depressed as hell when my athlete's foot and jock itch went away.
Dad: What's the matter? What are you cryin' for? I think you lost your wallet or something. I didn't want you to be this miserable. A little bit's all I asked for.
Dad: No, I don't feel lucky to be alive! I feel lucky I'm not dead. There's a difference.
Dad: I was proud of my work. And the buildings went up. When they were finished the damnedest thing happened. It was like the buildings were too good for us. Nobody told us that. It just felt uncomfortable, that's all.
