Pat Summerall: That's the second time tonight a Washington player's been knocked out by his own teammate.
John Madden: You know, there's a rule in sports, "Don't do anything great if you can't handle the congratulations."
Pat Summerall: There is?
John Madden: Yep.
Monica: I'll play you.
Quincy: For what?
Monica: Your heart.
Rannulph Junnah: I could have killed you out there.
Bagger Vance: Oh no sir, see I set myself directly in front of ya. Judgin' how you were hittin' them balls that's where I figure I'd be out of harms way.
Football Announcer: Our next defeat is scheduled for next Friday, 8 o'clock.
Sean Dawkins: I'll get the... um, um, um... the cheeseburger Maxi Meal.
Gordie Boggs: ...and the Brittany bare-ass buffet.
Coach Boone: Welcome to my life, Yoast.
Hector: You Sandro's kid too? How come I never heard about you?
Diana Guzman: I don't know. I'm his pride and joy.
Jack Morris: You know I.C.? Colored fellow at the service station?
Ellen Morris: Sure.
Jack Morris: His son came back from Europe today.
Ellen Morris: Wonderful.
Jack Morris: In a box.
Beret Girl: Max, Max, Max. Admit defeat, and defeat will surely admit you into permanent custody, my man.