Friends

Friends (1994)

43 quotes

Joey: How you doin'?

Chandler: If I were a guy, and...did I just say IF I were a guy?

The One With The 'Cuffs - S4-E3

Joanna: What are you doing?
Chandler: I'm getting dressed.
Joanna: Why?
Chandler: Because when I go outside naked, people throw garbage at me.

Kathy: So, what did you do today?
Chandler: Well, I had an appointment to get my hair cut...
Kathy: Oh, it looks great!
Chandler: ...and then it got cancelled.

The One With All The Resolutions - S5-E11

Joey: Do you know something?
Rachel: Do you know something?
Joey: I might know something.
Rachel: I might know something too.
Joey: What's the thing you know?
Rachel: Oh no, I can't tell you until you tell me what you know.
Joey: I can't tell you what I know.
Rachel: Well then I can't tell you what I know.
Joey: Okay, fine. [Pause.] You don't know!
Rachel: All right, how about I go over there and I will walk into Chandler's bedroom and I will see that thing that I think that I know is actually the thing that I think that I know!
Joey: [gasps.] YOU KNOW!

The One Where the Monkey Gets Away - S1-E19

Chandler: She obviously got my message. And is choosing not to call me. Now I'm needy and snubbed. God, I miss just being needy.

Rachel: You idiot!
Chandler: I'm sure you're right, but why?

The One With Joey's Big Break - S5-E22

Joey: [to Ross.] Who would you rather sleep with, Monica or Rachel?
Ross: [Looks disgusted.] Dude!
Joey: Oh, sorry, I forgot you had that whole Rachel thing.

The One With Ross's Teeth - S6-E8

Monica: What happened to your teeth?
Ross: I whitened them.
Chandler: Really?
Ross: Yeah, what... What do you think?
Monica: Well, uh, I think I shouldn't look directly at them.
Ross: Come on, seriously.
Monica: Ross, they're really, really, really white!
Chandler: Yeah, what was wrong with your old... Human teeth?
Ross: Well, I did leave the gel on a little longer than it said to.
Monica: How much longer?
Ross: Uh, uh... A day.
Monica: Ross, you know that tonight is your date with Hillary?
Ross: I know! That's why I did it! Come on, are they really that bad?
Chandler: No. No, no, no, you'll be fine. Hilary's blind, right?
Monica: She will be after tonight.

The One Where Joey Moves Out - S2-E16

Joey: What are you getting so bent out of shape for? It's not like we agreed to live together forever. We're not Bert and Ernie!

[Joey spells "Pleh" on the ground with sticks.]
Monica: What's "Pleh"?
Joey: That's "Help" spelled backwards so that the helicopters can read it from the air.
Monica: Huh. What's "Doofus" spelled backwards?

Joey: You don't know what it's like to put yourself out there like that and just get shot down.
Chandler: I don't know what that's like? Up until I was 25, I thought the only response to "I love you" was "Oh, crap."

Chandler: Sometimes I wish I were a lesbian.
[Everyone stares at him.]
Chandler: Did I just say that out loud?

The One with George Stephanopoulos - S1-E4

Monica: Hey Joey, what would you do if you were omnipotent?
Joey: Probably kill myself.
Monica: Excuse me?
Joey: Hey, if little Joey's dead then I've got no reason to live.
Ross: Joey, OM-nipotent.
Joey: You are? Oh Ross, I'm sorry.

The One With The Girl From Poughkeepsie - S4-E10

Rachel: No accountants. Oh, and no one from, like, "legal." I don't like guys with boring jobs.
Chandler: Oh, and Ross was like what, a lion tamer?

The One With Chandler In A Box - S4-E8

Monica: Fine, judge all you want to, but [to Ross.] married a lesbian, [to Rachel.] left a man at the altar, [to Phoebe.] fell in love with a gay ice dancer, [to Joey.] threw a girl's wooden leg in a fire, [to Chandler.] LIVE IN A BOX!

Monica: That key was for emergencies.
Phoebe: We were out of Doritos.

The One With The Screamer - S3-E22

Monica: Who's number two?
Chandler: 'Whose number two' - one of the more difficult games sewer workers play.

The One In Barbados, part 1 - S9-E23

Mike: I love you.
Phoebe: I love you more.
Mike: Not possible.

The One With the Baby on the Bus - S2-E6

Joey: Ducks is heads, because ducks have heads.
Chandler: What kind of scary-ass clowns came to your birthday?

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Mistakes

When Rachel finds out that Ross and Julie are getting a cat, watch Rachel's neck. When she says "together?" she's not wearing a necklace; cut to Ross and Julie for a fraction of a second, then when it cuts back to Rachel saying "both of you?" she's suddenly wearing a necklace. It then disappears again when she says "isn't that just lovely?" hanging off the side of the tray she's holding.

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Trivia

Matthew Perry's wit is so legendary that the scriptwriters have often incorporated his gags into the show.

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