Dick Kelly: The greatest gift a grandson can give his grandfather is a hot college girl who wants to have unprotected sex with him before he dies.
Bob Stone: You're like a black Will Smith.
News Anchor: Now to the question that has no clear answer. How did two twenty-something young men land a three-hundred-million-dollar Pentagon contract?
Bobby: Life is a comedy written by a sadistic comedy writer.
Sebastian: I'm letting life hit me until it gets tired. Then I'll hit back. It's a classic rope-a-dope.
Buster Moon: When you've reached rock bottom, there's only one way to go, and that's up.
Ambrose Hilliard: You and me given opportunities only because young men are gone. But to turn or back on those opportunities, wouldn't that be giving death dominion over life?
Sam Larson: If I go in there, I'm am gonna get murdered in the face.
Stretch: It wouldn't be Texas without a chainsaw massacre.
Willie: Spare some change. Think about somebody besides your fucking self.
Dave Stangle: Maybe Dad'll just forget about his ultimatum.
Mike Stangle: Why would Dad forget about an old tomato?
Dave Stangle: No, his ul... his ultimatum.
Mike Stangle: Old tom...?
Dave Stangle: Ultimatum.
Mike Stangle: Are you saying "old tomato"?
Dave Stangle: Ultima-tum, like a tomb or a crypt.
Manny: So now when you masturbate you think about your mom?
Raphael: Every minute we stay down here, Shredder gets stronger and Mikey gets more annoying.
Donatello: We're training... sort of. As soon as the sun goes down, it's Turtle time.
Dante: What them white girls want? They lost? Did you go "awesome", they like when you go "awesooome!"
Michelle Darnell: Pity's all you've got. Pity's your best friend.
Clarence Goobril: Wordness to the turdness.
Carl: They are eating children! Fucking children.
Robin: If you use an emoji, I will tit punch you.
Will Davis: Charlie got a job today.
Jillian Stewart: McDonald's or Taco Bell?
Charlie: Middle school chemistry teacher.
Jillian Stewart: I weep for our future.