Dick Kelly: The greatest gift a grandson can give his grandfather is a hot college girl who wants to have unprotected sex with him before he dies.
Lenore: I like your pull out couch.
Dick Kelly: Yeah? Well, I got news for ya. That's the only thing that's gonna be pulling out tonight.
Dick Kelly: Party till you're pregnant.
Dick Kelly: We have a long standing bet - who's the better golfer. Obviously I've got the bigger three wood.
Lenore: Good. Maybe you can use it to hit your balls right into my vagina.
Jason Kelly: Holy shit.
Lenore: You're just a dirty, dirty grandpa, and I'm just a girl from Long Island City who likes to fuck old people.
Cousin Nick: Fuckin' sucks dick about grandma, huh? Old woman fuckin' murdered like that.
Jason Kelly: I think she had cancer.
Cousin Nick: We'll never know the truth.
Jason Kelly: We absolutely know the truth. Grandma had cancer for ten years.
Cousin Nick: You don't just die from cancer, Jason.
Dick Kelly: I want to fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
Jason Kelly: I don't think you're very popular here, Grandpa.
Dick Kelly: You're the one that's going to have to watch out. You might get Oreo'd.
Jason Kelly: Oreo'd?
Dick Kelly: That's when two black guys fuck a white guy. You're the cream in the middle.
