Best comedy movie quotes of 2012

Kyle: ReNew is actually morphing chromosomes. It's aiding replication so that only the healthiest cells undergo mitosis.
Cassie Stratford: In other words, it turns ugly - into cute.
Mr. Gray: I have one question. Will it work on titties?

Jean: Are you telling me to go out and smell the roses?
Cissy Robson: Oh no. We're telling you the roses are long gone. But the chrysanthemums are magnificent.

April: Oh, my God, my ass is killing this cat.

Archie: Damn, baby. Feel like you're playing piano on my dick, like you're playing Mozart.

The Major: Perhaps, sir, since out little caper is far from over, perhaps we should consider removing the cartilage.
Harry Deane: Don't be an ass, man. I'm hardly likely to be hit in the face a third time.
The Major: Uh, that was the third time, sir.
Harry Deane: This isn't a math class.

Philip: What are you trained as?
Ida: Trained as? I'm not a dog.

Doc: I can't do what I said I would do. Mercy is a one-saying, mercy.
Claphands: Finish this.

Frances: I'm so embarrassed. I'm not a real person yet.

Lorna: God damn it, Dale! All that man ever do is create a mess.

Eric: Those things are vampires! We need crucifixes, garlic, silver, holy water, and Christopher Lee.
Ray Macguire: No, you soppy tart, those things are fucking zombies.

Carlos: They shot my motherfucking maid.

Vlad Chocool: I am the undead. Alright? The undead, you-you're not dead, but you're not exactly living either. It's sorta like being in summer school.

John: Baby, just tell me what the hell happened?
Alice: I fell down the stairs.
John: We don't have stairs.

Jacky Bonnot: I can make it beef bourguignon?
Nurse: In two, three years.
Jacky Bonnot: Why is it taking so long?
Nurse: It's a baby.

Curtis: Here. You want to take that one down to the basement, dude? I'm coming with you. Let's go.
Finn: [Hearing the statement Alexis made earlier] "People get really good deals if they find, like, a dead body in the basement". The basement level in Dragons and Warriors is a prison filled with ghosts.
Curtis: Yeah, well, the basement in a real life is just a basement. You can do it. (00:07:56)

KeyZOid

Mike Martingano: I have, like, $13,000 saved.
Paige: Wow. That's a lot of ones.
Mike Martingano: There are some fives in there.
Paige: Oh, ok. No twenties?
Mike Martingano: Oh, you don't wanna know what I have to do for twenties.

Lula: We got the whole good cop/bad cop thing going on; except we're hookers.

Sean: Told you it'd work.
Hank: You were right. I can't believe we made it.
Sean: It's Jules Verne, man. You gotta believe.

Aaron Wiseberger: I went to community college, and that was only because my grandma was sleeping with the dean.

Armando: Let him die. He's missing a hand anyway.