Lorna: God damn it, Dale! All that man ever do is create a mess.
Greg Heffley: I can't believe it's so crowded here. Maybe we should come back.
Rodrick Heffley: How about never? Does never sound good?
Dex Dogtective: Frankly, my dear, I don't give a Spam.
Eric: Those things are vampires! We need crucifixes, garlic, silver, holy water, and Christopher Lee.
Ray Macguire: No, you soppy tart, those things are fucking zombies.
Joyce Brewster: You want me to go to one of Gayle's miserable singles event? That's what you want? You want me whoring myself out? Put on a thong?
Andrew Brewster: I'm going to sleep now, Ma.
Lula: We got the whole good cop/bad cop thing going on; except we're hookers.
Jean: Are you telling me to go out and smell the roses?
Cissy Robson: Oh no. We're telling you the roses are long gone. But the chrysanthemums are magnificent.
Aubrey Miller: So this girl Jane, she doesn't like you back?
Dave Hodgman: She does... platonically. As a friend.
Aubrey Miller: Oh, I know what platonically means. I'm a junior, not a moron.
The Major: Perhaps, sir, since out little caper is far from over, perhaps we should consider removing the cartilage.
Harry Deane: Don't be an ass, man. I'm hardly likely to be hit in the face a third time.
The Major: Uh, that was the third time, sir.
Harry Deane: This isn't a math class.