Best comedy movie quotes of 2012

Vanellope von Schweetz: As your merciful princess I hereby decree that everyone who was ever mean to me shall be...executed.
Crowd of girls: What?!
Sergeant Calhoun: Well, this place just got interesting.

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Angelique Bouchard: I'm going to make an offer to you, Barnabas. My last. You can join me by my side and we can run Collinsport together as partners, and lovers... Or I'll put you back in the box.
Barnabas Collins: I have already prepared my counter-proposal. It reads thusly: You may strategically place your wonderful lips upon my posterior and kiss it repeatedly!

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Aubrey: What's your name?
Fat Amy: Fat Amy.
Aubrey: You call yourself Fat Amy?
Fat Amy: Yeah, so twig bitches like you don't do it behind my back.

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Hans: As Gandhi said...'An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind'. I believe that whole heartedly.
Bill: No it doesn't. There'll be one guy left with one eye. How's the last blind guy going to take out the eye of the last guy left whose still got one eye left? All that guy has to do is run away and hide behind a bush. Ghandi was wrong. It's just that nobody's got the balls to come out and say it.

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Narrator: Now if there's one thing you can be sure of, it's that nothing is more powerful than a young boy's wish. Except an Apache helicopter. An Apache helicopter has machine guns AND missiles. It is an unbelievably impressive complement of weaponry, an absolute death machine.

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Peaches: So tell me, when exactly will I be allowed to hang out with boys?
Manny: When I'm dead. Plus three days, just to make sure I'm dead.

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Alex Eilhauer: I feel like I'm drinking out of Chewbacca's dick.

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Agent J: Is this thing off? Hey, I don't think it's all the way off, K! It's whirring and buzzing. I don't know if I don't know nothing.

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Kay: He is everything. But I'm really lonely. And to be with someone, when you're not really with him can... I think I might be less lonely alone.

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Princess Merida: I want my freedom!
Queen Elinor: But are you willing to pay the price your freedom will cost?

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Schmidt: When did I get stabbed? That's AWESOME!

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Tiffany: I was a slut. There will always be a part of me that is dirty and sloppy, but I like that, just like all the other parts of myself. I can forgive. Can you say the same for yourself, fucker? Can you forgive? Are you capable of that?

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Artie Decker: I'm awkward around those kids. I don't think they like me.

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Brighton: Snow White is dead. One of God's great mysteries is his plan for each and every one of us...
The Queen: Speed it up.
Brighton: Snow White lived, she died, God rest her soul, Amen. There will be a buffet lunch served at two.

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Zoey: This is my store. This is a free earth collective. We are a vegan, feminist, non-profit cooperative operating within an anti-racist, anti-oppressive framework for people of all or no genders.

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Larry: Hey, little fella, want a peanut? Dolphins love peanuts, you know. Here you go. Catch.
[Larry tosses peanut to dolphin and it falls into its blow hole.]
Curly: Oh, my God! I think he's snufficatin'!
Larry: Don't worry, pal, I know the Heineken maneuver.

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Jonathan: Are these monsters gonna kill me?
Dracula: Not as long as they think you're a monster.
Jonathan: That's kinda racist.

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Marcy: It just doesn't fit the HBO brand. We do violence and heartache but it's sexy. Do you understand?
Linda: Of course, what was I thinking? I mean you know what we could do? We could throw in some vampires in there to have sex with the penguins, and then you could have brooding sexy little vampire penguins. Would that work for your brand? What if the polar bears were hookers and on meth and then just show their tits for no reason? How would that work?
Marcy: I think you're joking, but if you could do that that would be very interesting for us.

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Cam Brady: My heart is pounding. Like a phone book in a dryer.

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Marty Streb: If you're gonna lose, then I'm gonna help you lose. Deal?
Scott Voss: Deal. Let's do this. Let's lose.

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Steve Stifler: Ladies, you'd better be working hard - you weren't hired for your looks. Actually you were. Not you.

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Lula: We got the whole good cop/bad cop thing going on; except we're hookers.

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Alex: What are you doing? Zebras can't drive. Only penguins and people can drive!

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Lauren: Oh, I think I'm going to hell
Trish: Don't worry. If you're going to hell, I'll just come pick you up.

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