Best comedy movie quotes of 2012

Vanellope von Schweetz: As your merciful princess I hereby decree that everyone who was ever mean to me shall be...executed.
Crowd of girls: What?!
Sergeant Calhoun: Well, this place just got interesting.

Barnabas Collins: What is your age?
Carolyn Stoddard: Fifteen.
Barnabas Collins: Fifteen, and no husband? You must put those child-bearing hips to good use, lest your womb shrivel up and die.

Aubrey: What's your name?
Fat Amy: Fat Amy.
Aubrey: You call yourself Fat Amy?
Fat Amy: Yeah, so twig bitches like you don't do it behind my back.

Narrator: Now if there's one thing you can be sure of, it's that nothing is more powerful than a young boy's wish. Except an Apache helicopter. An Apache helicopter has machine guns AND missiles. It is an unbelievably impressive complement of weaponry, an absolute death machine.

Peaches: So tell me, when exactly will I be allowed to hang out with boys?
Manny: When I'm dead. Plus three days, just to make sure I'm dead.

Hans: As Gandhi said...'An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind'. I believe that whole heartedly.
Bill: No it doesn't. There'll be one guy left with one eye. How's the last blind guy going to take out the eye of the last guy left whose still got one eye left? All that guy has to do is run away and hide behind a bush. Ghandi was wrong. It's just that nobody's got the balls to come out and say it.

Tiffany: I was a slut. There will always be a part of me that is dirty and sloppy, but I like that, just like all the other parts of myself. I can forgive. Can you say the same for yourself, fucker? Can you forgive? Are you capable of that?

Cop 1: Well, look at this. Power windows, power seats. I bet you the thing cost 6 grand.
Agent J: Ah, yes, and it has a roof, but it's hidden.
Cop 2: Hey, what kind of work do you do? An individual of your... Particular ethic persuasion?
Agent J: Mmm...
Cop 1: Maybe he's a noted athlete.
Agent J: Mmmm! Yes. Starting forward for the Detroit Darkies.
Cop 1: Where'd you get the car?
Cop 2: And the suit?
Agent J: I stole them both. Uh, car from your wife, suit from your grandmother.

Schmidt: When did I get stabbed? That's AWESOME!

Jonathan: Are these monsters gonna kill me?
Dracula: Not as long as they think you're a monster.
Jonathan: That's kinda racist.

Head Nurse: Can't you read? Visiting hours are over.
Curly: Even for family?
Head Nurse: You're related?
Curly: Yeah.
Head Nurse: How?
Curly: His mother and my mother were both mothers.

Alex: What are you doing? Zebras can't drive. Only penguins and people can drive!

King Fergus: The ancients spoke of it. It is the heart of this fierce land. It is carried in the wind. Born of our legends and when we are put to the test, it is the one thing that we must always be.

Alex Eilhauer: I feel like I'm drinking out of Chewbacca's dick.

Vi Rose Hill: I am an incandescent, board certified, supermodel baby.

Kay: He is everything. But I'm really lonely. And to be with someone, when you're not really with him can... I think I might be less lonely alone.

Hunter: Do you think I'm pretty?
Taylor: Sometimes I want to kill you because you're so pretty. Seriously, I think of killing you a lot.
Hunter: Aww, that's so sweet.

Brighton: Snow White is dead. One of God's great mysteries is his plan for each and every one of us...
The Queen: Speed it up.
Brighton: Snow White lived, she died, God rest her soul, Amen. There will be a buffet lunch served at two.

Steve Stifler: Ladies, you'd better be working hard - you weren't hired for your looks. Actually you were. Not you.

Cedric: Mike, how old is your mom?
Michael: What?
Cedric: I'm not saying it like that. No, I am. I am. It's like that. Ms. Loretta, I'm ready for the rest of the tour.