Alex Eilhauer: I feel like I'm drinking out of Chewbacca's dick.
Tom Solomon: How could you do this to me?
Winton Childs: I haven't done anything to you, Violet did something to you; not me. If a woman wants to kiss me I'm going to fucking kiss her. Underneath all that polite bullshit we're all running on caveman software. If she's got a husband, or a fiancé, or a boyfriend it's on her conscience, not mine.
Tom Solomon: You should run.
Winton Childs: Look Tom, this is ridiculous. Let's just put a stop to this now, please. Come on, I'm sorry. I really am.
Tom Solomon: Winton, if you feel bad at all for what you did then you'll run from me.
Winton Childs: Well, okay, I'll keep running. I'm off.
Violet Barnes: He kissed me, Tom!
Tom Solomon: OK, you know what? That is a cop out. That is not fair. Yes, he may have been the one who kissed you. But there is a reason that he felt like that was an option. You know that's the truth.
Alex Eilhauer: Seeing you chop onions is depressing. It's like watching Michael Jordan take a shit.
Violet Barnes: What is your crossbow doing on the kitchen table?
Tom Solomon: A crossbow doesn't clean itself, you know.
George Barnes: The first important thing to remember about marriage is that it requires commitment. The second important thing to remember about marriage is that so does insanity.
Violet Barnes: Where are you going?
Doug: Uh... On my way to University of North Dakota.
Violet Barnes: Oh! Well, that's good.
Doug: Yeah. No, no, it's great. I'm excited. I'ma be a pioneer. I'll be the first black guy to freeze to death. It's gonna be cool. Yeah, I'm pumped up about it.
Violet Barnes: Cool.
Doug: Yeah. It's just like that song, y'know. I get knocked down, except I get up again in North Dakota, which is the worst place on Earth.
Suzie Barnes-Eilhauer: This is supposed to be exciting. It's your wedding - you only get a few of these!
