Cop 1: Well, look at this. Power windows, power seats. I bet you the thing cost 6 grand.
Agent J: Ah, yes, and it has a roof, but it's hidden.
Cop 2: Hey, what kind of work do you do? An individual of your... Particular ethic persuasion?
Agent J: Mmm...
Cop 1: Maybe he's a noted athlete.
Agent J: Mmmm! Yes. Starting forward for the Detroit Darkies.
Cop 1: Where'd you get the car?
Cop 2: And the suit?
Agent J: I stole them both. Uh, car from your wife, suit from your grandmother.
Agent J: Is this thing off? Hey, I don't think it's all the way off, K! It's whirring and buzzing. I don't know if I don't know nothing.
Agent J: That, gentlemen, is a standard-issue neuralyzer. But you're not gonna remember that. And just because you see a black man driving a nice car does not mean it's stolen! ...Uh, eh. I stole that one. But not because I'm black!
Woman in 5K: Can I help you?
Agent J: Uh... K?
Woman in 5K: 5K
Agent J: Uh... Um, I'm sorry, is that chocolate milk? Can I-? I'm so sorry. I don't know what...
[Agent J begins drinking the little girls' milk.]
Girl: Mommy, the President is drinking my milk.
Agent J: Mmm. I'm sorry.
Girl: He didn't say please.
Agent J: Man, I am getting too old for this. [Points to Agent K.] I can only imagine how you feel.
Agent J: See I call all the men K, and all the women O. And then when I see a couple I'm like, 'OK'.
Lunar Max Guard: This ain't a conjugal visit. So quit your conjugating!
Boris the Animal: When's the last time you conjugated anything?
Wu: Hey, what you guys wanna bust my balls for, huh?
Agent J: You don't have no balls, Wu.
Hippie: Make love, not war.
Boris The Animal: I prefer to do both.
Agent O: Somehow history has been rewritten. There has to be a reason this is happening, and K seems to be in the centre of it.