Ted

Ted (2012)

12 quotes

(3 votes)

Directed by: Seth MacFarlane

Starring: Joel McHale, Mark Wahlberg, Mila Kunis

Genres: Comedy

Movie Quote Quiz

Narrator: Now if there's one thing you can be sure of, it's that nothing is more powerful than a young boy's wish. Except an Apache helicopter. An Apache helicopter has machine guns AND missiles. It is an unbelievably impressive complement of weaponry, an absolute death machine.

John: You know, sometimes I think back to that Christmas morning when I was eight years old. I wish I had just gotten a Teddy Ruxpin.
Ted: Say that one more time.
John: TEDDY RUX-FUCKIN-PIN.

Ted: There. Proof. Garfield's eye look like a pair of tits.

Ted: Wow, look at you! Half Muslim and half American and you sold 37 million records!
Norah Jones: Actually, I'm half Indian half American, but thanks.
Ted: Thanks for 9/11!

Norah Jones: You did well for a guy with no dick.
Ted: Yeah, you have *no* idea how many angry letters I have written to Hasbro about that.

Narrator: No matter how big a splash you make in this world whether you're Corey Feldman, Frankie Muniz, Justin Bieber or a talking teddy bear, eventually, nobody gives a shit.

Ted: I look like Snuggles' accountant.

Frank: You think you got what it takes?
Ted: I'll tell you what I got. Your wife's pussy on my breath.
Frank: Nobody's ever spoken to me like that before.
Ted: That's because their mouths were full of your wife's box.
Frank: You're hired.
Ted: Shit.

John: What is this?
Ted: It's called "Mind Rape", it's actually pretty mellow.
John: It doesn't sound very mellow.
Ted: Well he only had three other batches: "Gorilla Panic", "They're coming! They're coming!" and something called "This Is Permanent.". Go on, spark it up!

Tom Skerritt: My daughter better still be alive you sick son of a bitch.

Ted: I look stupid.
John: No, you don't, you look dapper.
Ted: John, I look like something you give to your kid when you tell 'em Grandma died.

Ted: Lori, hey, you're home early.
Lori: This place is a wreck! Who are these girls?
Ted: Y'know, they're hookers. So it's fine.
Lori: What the hell is this?
Ted: Oh, where are my manners? Lori, this is Angelique, Heavenly, Charene, and Sauvignon Blanc. I love you girls. Y'know, somewhere out there are four terrible fathers I wish I could thank for this great night!

Continuity mistake: In the end of the film when Ted comes back to life, Lori comes into the room with her hair behind her shoulders. it switches from behind her shoulders to in front of her shoulders then back again between shots.

Leonardo22

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Trivia: Jared (the person that Guy introduces John to as the one who has been beating him up), is played by Ryan Reynolds, who is uncredited in the film. Reynolds has appeared in other works by McFarlane as well.

Bishop73

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