Arthur Bishop: Good judgment comes from experience, experience comes from bad judgment.
Kato: I was born in Shanghai. You know Shanghai?
Britt Reid: Yeah, I love Japan.
Dave Harken: You can't win a marathon without putting some bandaids on your nipples!
Mr. Popper: Hello! I have to send the penguins back.
Voice On Phone: Send-da-penguin?
Mr. Popper: Yes, send penguins.
Townsperson: Well, I know the Bible says Jesus turned water into wine, but it didn't say liquor store wine. It had to have been non-alcoholic wine, because it didn't have time to ferment.
Special Agent James Ross: She got the drop on me in my home, and she told me that if I don't bring her the whereabouts of this man, she's going to kill a member of my family every week until I have none left.
Richard: Are you kidding me?
Special Agent James Ross: Does it seem to you that I would make something like this up? So why don't you just tell me what I should do?
Richard: Call 9-1-1.
David Norris: All I have are the choices I make, and I choose her, come what may.
Gil: I'm having trouble because I'm a Hollywood hack who never gave real literature a shot.
Celia: Me and Kevin were playing Xmas kidnapping.
Sherlock Holmes: Uh, hmm... Right. Where are the wagons?
Madam Simza Heron: The wagon is too slow. Can't you ride?
Dr. John Watson: It's not that he can't ride... How is it you put it, Holmes?
Sherlock Holmes: They're dangerous at both ends and... Crafty in the middle. Why would I want anything with a mind of its own bobbing about between my legs?
Margaret Thatcher: Watch your thoughts, for they become words. Watch your words, because they become actions. Watch your actions, because they become habits. Watch your habits, because they become your character. Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny. What we think, we become.
Stan Harris: Nothing beats New York on New Years Eve.
Title Card: "The battle against the Devil, which is the principal task of Saint Michael the Archangel, is still being fought today, because the Devil is still alive and active in the world." - Pope John Paul II.
Title Card: What follows is inspired by true events.
Johnny English: So, when's the Prime Minister going to grace us with his presence?
Prime Minister: I'm the Prime Minister.
Johnny English: [snorts] Yeah, you wish.
Lord Redbrick: I'm not illiterate! My parents were married!
Kay: Honor is not a thing to be dismissed or forgotten.
Thadeous: I shouldn't even be here! I will probably die on this quest, and Courtney definitely will!
Emma: A tortilla is either corn or wheat. But a corn tortilla folded and filled is a taco, whereas a filled wheat tortilla is a burrito. Deep fry a burrito, it's a chimichanga. Toast a tortilla, it's a tostada. Roll it, it's an enchilada.