Surfing Instructor: When life gives you lemons, just say 'Fuck the lemons, ' and bail.
Kumar Patel: I've never sucked a dick before. I bet it sucks dick!
Hater: This is my lesbian sister. Tell them about your softball team, tell them about your team.
Guru Tugginmypudha: Good distraction frees us from emotional pain. Bad distraction gives you a mouth full of whizz.
The Silent Monk: Learn the form, but seek the formless. Hear the soundless. Learn it all, then forget it all. Learn The Way, then find your own way.
Brand Hauser: Did you know that the word "person" comes from the Latin word "persona", which means mask? So maybe being human means we invite spectators to ponder what lies behind. Each of us will be composed of a variety of masks, and if we can see behind the mask, we would get a burst of clarity. And if that flame was bright enough, that's when we fall in love. What's your opinion on these divine matters?
Natalie Hegalhuzen: I'm not going to fuck you. You know that, right?
Ray Embrey: People don't like you, Hancock.
Hancock: Do I look like I care what people think?
Molly Johnson: All the world's great civilizations have followed the same path. From bondage to liberty, from liberty to abundance, from abundance to complacency, from complacency to apathy, from apathy back to bondage. If we are to be the exception to history, then we must break the cycle, for those who do not remember the past are condemned to repeat it.
Juan Antonio: Well, now that the day's almost over, is it reasonable of me to ask you if you'll both join me in my room?
Vicky: Oh, come on, I thought we'd settled that.
Cristina: Vicky's just trying to say that she's engaged to be married, that's all.
Juan Antonio: Great. Then these are her last days of freedom.
Vicky: No. Look, I'm not free. I'm committed. You know what my theory is? And when I drink, I get brutally frank. I think that you're still hurting from the failure of your marriage to Maria Elena, and you're trying to lose yourself in empty sex.
Juan Antonio: Empty sex? Do you have such a low opinion of yourself?
Carrie Mae: Do you guys know where the crapper is? I have to drop some timber.
Cricket Feldstein: You wanna hit me? I would love it if you hit me! I'm married to a Jew, I've got nothing to lose.
Delaney: What? Han Solo ain't never had no sex with Princess Leia in the Star War!
Nick: If anyone is getting raped in that van, it'll be a guy.
Bill Maher: And I see you've got a lot of bling.
Jeremiah Cummings: I like gold. The people want you to look well.
Bill Maher: That's what pimps say about their women.
Rose Lorkowski: There's not a lot that I am good at. But I'm good at getting guys to want me. Not date me, or marry me, but want me.
Bertram Pincus: We live alone, and then we die alone. And apparently, we stay alone.
Baker Smith: Herb will get you through times with no money, better than money will get you through times with no herb.