Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Just knowing we're in the same genus makes me embarrassed to call myself homo.
Man-gil: The bounty on your head is 300 won.
Yoon Tae-goo: What? I'm only worth a piano?
Man-gil: A used one at that.
Charlie Bellow: As for the question of destiny... all I know is that even when destiny really wants to accomplish something, it can't do it alone. You still have to go to that restaurant. You still have to show up. You still have to build a bridge... to the one you love.
Rincewind: That's old Twoflower for you. He just appreciates beauty in his own way. I mean, if a poet sees a daffodil, he stares at it and then writes a long poem. But Twoflower would wander off and buy a book on botany, and then as he reads it he would tread on the daffodil.
Andrew: Morgan's Bay is a mile inside the swamp.
Narrator: When your heart breaks it can grow back crooked. It grows back twisted and gnarled and hard.
Bender: Don't hurt me! I'll betray anyone.
Ian Hamilton: On that day I heard the voice of Scotland speak as loudly as it did in 1320. As long as a hundred of us remain alive, we shall never give in to the domination of the English. We fight not for glory, not for wealth, nor honors, but only and alone for freedom, which no good man surrenders but with his life.
Emma: You can't find something if you don't know what you're looking for.
Tom: Nobody in the world makes me laugh the way you do. You're my best friend. I just wanna be with you.
Frank Allen: You caught me reminiscing. A lot of memories here. Buy you a drink?
Ed: Oh, I'd love to Frank, but uh... I'm kind of... I'm... I'm in a bit of a rush.
Frank Allen: I insist. After all, it is the traditional function of the father of the bride.
Ed: What is?
Frank Allen: Keeping the groom away from back exits.
Maurice: It's oaky... Oh, yeah, and smoky. I detect... bacon fat... laced with honey melon.
Suit: I'm betting beard.
Ben: What kind of remark is that? People's livelihood are at stake.
Suit: Make a note, a producer with a conscience.
Abby: I don't know anything about love. Every time I feel it, it's gone, it disappears and all I have left is pain and sadness.
Larry: I'm gonna shove that BlackBerry up where it's gonna be a BrownBerry.
Nancy: Penis? I haven't heard that word for a long time. I usually just call it dinner.
Jerry: [Talking about The Lion King] It's deeply deep. 'Cause the uncle kills the nephew's father.
Old Lady: Which is his brother.
Jerry: That's his brother. He kills his own brother, right? That's some heavy Shapeskearean shit.
Mike: [laughs]
Jerry: What's funny?
Mike: Shape...nothing.
Will: I never told you the happy ending.
Maya: What is it?
Will: You.
Ashley: Dan! Sorry, the phone scared me so I killed it.
James Wetherhold: Vanessa here is the perfect little housewife. I mean daughter.
Vanessa Wetherhold: Yes, if by perfect you mean not retarded, slash suffering from insurmountable credit card debt, then yes, I'm indeed perfect.