Birdie: Check this out. You ain't goin to college or any fuckin where if the Bird Man don't win. You might be on the other team, but you playin for ME. Remember that.
Chazz: Who'd win in a wrestling match, Lemmy or God?
Chris Moore: Lemmy.
[Rex imitates a game show buzzer.]
Chris Moore: God?
Rex: Wrong, dickhead. Trick question. Lemmy is God.
Pumbaa: Hey, Timon, ever wonder what those sparkly dots are up there?
Timon: Pumbaa, I don't wonder; I know.
Pumbaa: Oh. What are they?
Timon: They're fireflies. Fireflies that, uh... Got stuck up on that big bluish-black thing.
Pumbaa: Oh, gee. I always thought they were balls of gas burning billions of miles away.
Timon: Pumbaa, with you, everything's gas.
Jerome Lurie: Ma'am, I don't know how to tell you this.
Anita Crown: Tell me what?
Jerome Lurie: Well, your claim is worthless without your husband alive. See for yourself... second paragraph. Now ma'am, I'm sorry but it's the law. Surely you understand that.
Anita Crown: Yes, I understand that. I was worthless until I married. So now, I guess I'm worthless as a widow. Funny, I had some value as a whore.
Phil: In case we don't make it and I die first... Eat me.
Mitch: Eat you? I don't even like talking to you on the phone.
Mike Swale: I'm starting to feel like a.
Bridget Gregory: Sex object?
Rudy Zolteck: That's it, I'm leaving the country. I'm moving to New Mexico.
Friedrich Bhaer: I am going to the west. They need teachers and they are not so concerned about the accent.
Jo March: I don't mind it either.
Rube Baker: Hey, Cerrano. I'm on the rooster.
Simon Wilder: Which door do I leave from?
Proffesor Pitkannan: At Harvard we don't end our sentences with prepositions.
Simon Wilder: Okay. Which door do I leave from, asshole?
Nicholas Earp: Remember this, all of you. Nothing counts so much as blood. The rest are just strangers. (00:11:02)
Troy Dyer: I've wanted you like this for all these years.
Warren: When will you get it into your head that one can produce a copious, regular and exquisitely turned evacuation every day of the week and still be a stranger to reason.
Carol: Oh, I guess we should stop, 'cause Harold has to pee.
Rudy Travis: Get back in the front. Get back up there with Harold! Get up there.
Harold Carvey, DVM: I don't want to play... this game... anymore.
Rudy Travis: You pee in your pants.
Rogers: What else is there? She says, "Is beauty all that matters?", and you say, "What else is there?".
Prince Derek: It was dumb. I know.
Rogers: You should write a book: "How to Offend Women in Five Syllables or Less."
McComb: Elections are won with television. You don't need the press, you don't need endorsements, you don't even need the truth. You need money.
Uncle Vester: Whoa! My momma dead! Now I gotta cut ya! That's the rule, cut ya, cut ya.