Rudy Zolteck: That's it, I'm leaving the country. I'm moving to New Mexico.
Johnny Vennaro: You can't pitch to Johnny! I'm Johnny.
Spike: Is Spike mistaken, but aren't you a girl?
Becky O'Shea: Gee, good eye.
Spike: Spike don't play with girls.
Jake Berman: My mom says the pads you gave me weren't enough.
Junior Floyd: Ew, that's disgusting! It looks like they're trying to swallow each other's heads.
Nubie: You always run the ball! Why can't I run the ball?
Hanon: Because you're slow, and no-one likes you.
Kevin O'Shea: Put a fork in them they're done, baby.
Spike: Your mine, Pom Pom.
Junior Floyd: That's right Spike! The Icebox is going to defrost you.
Steve Emtman: Just remember, football is 80% mental and 40% physical.
Jake Berman: Don't be talkin' bout my momma.
Sean Murphy: What's the matter, four eyes? Want your mama.
Jake Berman: Don't be talkin' about my mama.
Priscilla: Hey Uncle Dan! Guess what? I got the whole headlock thing on tape. Here, wanna see?
Mike Hammersmith: Every night before he goes to bed, I massage his hamstrings with evaporated milk.
Spike: No mercy.
Becky O'Shea: No ball.
Rudy Zolteck: Ahh! It's a mom.
Hanon: There goes my shot at the Pros. I gonna have to be a senator.