Bill Robinson: We're all getting funerals - all three of us.
Helen Robinson: Bill, get your own funeral. Timmy and I are going zombie.
Jessica Wilhern: Penelope, just one man, one man.
Penelope: And he'll run too! They always run. Why can't you accept that? For seven years I've been watching them run. Do you have any idea how that makes me feel? Do you?
Jessica Wilhern: I'm sorry, but we just can't quit.
Penelope: We can, because no matter how much I want to believe there's one man who won't run away, one man who... who.
Mikal: Where are you going?
Eugene: East-ish.
Mikal: East-ish?
Makoto Konno: When I'm not lucky, I'm really not, but I usually am, so it balances out.
Ashley Albright: Here we go again. Maggie you've known me since Seventh Grade, right? Okay, will you please tell her that I'm not lucky.
Maggie: Well, you were voted prom queen at Franklin High.
Ashley Albright: So?
Maggie: We went to Jefferson.
Frank Jones: When I first got married to your mother, we barely knew each other. Could barely even speak the English language.
Julia Jones: But you're from Jersey.
Frank Jones: I'm trying to make a point here.
Omer: You have been Omerized.
Sam: I'm slightly tone deaf, but Matt's always said if I wasn't tone deaf, I'd have a very good voice.
Marilyn Dean: Discover a path... that doesn't lead back here.
Carl Peterson: You get your first ten-speed bike, and suddenly you're Lance Armstrong.
Dupree: Let's leave Lance out of this. Guy's done more with one testicle than you and I could do with three.
Bartleby Gaines: I could go to jail.
Uncle Ben: Don't worry, you're young. Your butt can take it.
Tanzie Marchetta: You caught me. I guess that, like, makes you my hero.
Matt Saunders: Hannah.
Vaughn Haige: Oh, man, I think she's dead. Time to start the grieving process.
Eli: I've got two chicks back at my place who think I'm Moby.
Tom Dobbs: If Mama Cass had shared a lunch with Karen Carpenter, both would still be alive today... What do I think of gay marriage? I believe gays have every right to be just as miserable as the rest of us.
Brian Jackson: Ever since I can remember, I've wanted to be clever. Some people are born clever, same way some people are born beautiful. I'm not one of those people.