Sherman Schrader: Yes! Yes! I want it! I want everything you guys have! I want Lilac shirts! I want visors kinda tilted to the side with hair gel coming out of them! I want to have sex with girls that look like this.
Bartleby Gaines: Hey Shrad, do you know any places up near Harmon we can rent?
Sherman Schrader: Oh, yeah I do, actually. I carry around a list with me at all times of abandoned buildings for fake colleges.
Jack Gaines: Listen, I took another look at that website, what's all this be-what-you-wanna-be-crap?
Bartleby Gaines: Oh no no, dad they just have to say stuff like that just to keep from being sued.
Jack Gaines: Yeah well it sounds like a bunch of crap to me.
Bartleby Gaines: And they all paid first semester's tuition?
Rory: Yep. 10,000 bucks apiece. I stopped counting after the first 100 checks.
Glen: That's 74 million dollars.
Rory: It's a million dollars, Glen.
Glen: Yeah... In human dollars.
Sherman Schrader: This place is awesome cause now I can finally get Hepatitis.
Kiki: Glen, I love your wads.
Bartleby Gaines: Hey Rory, hows it goin? What's wrong?
Rory: I... I... I - I didn't get into Ya - I didn't get into... I-I-I I didn't get into Yal - I didn't get into Yale.
Bartleby Gaines: What? Why not?
Rory: Well, there's no room for Rory at Yale! No, too many mediocre rich kids with well-connected parents.
Diane Gaines: I knew we should've started preparing for college in junior high, like your sister.
Jack Gaines: Now she's got a shot.
Lizzie Gaines: I've got a shot.
Diane Gaines: She's got a shot.
Sherman Schrader: Ask me about my wiener.
Bartleby Gaines: Schrader, come on. Don't be scared.
Sherman Schrader: Scared? I'm not scared. You're scared.
Hands: Schrader, you were scared to try the new flavor of Dr. Pepper.
Sherman Schrader: I told you that in confidence Hands.
Bartleby Gaines: Schrader, you were afraid when you're tooth fell out because you were terrified of the Tooth Fairy.
Sherman Schrader: That's actually a legitimate fear. She was rifling through my shit.
Uncle Ben: You know a lot of people say that college is a time when young men and women expand the way that they look at their world when they open their mind to new ideas and experiences and when they begin that long journey form the innocence of Youth, to the responsibilities of Adulthood... now isn't that a load of horse shit! ahahahaha.
Girl: Can you sign a copy of your book for me? I got it on eBay.
Uncle Ben: They sell my shit on eBay?
Guy: You wrote a book?
Uncle Ben: Yeah. That was back when I was drinking.
Rory: Ever since nursery school, every single waking moment of every single day has been scheduled. So what do I want to do? Nothing.
Bartleby Gaines: Cheap, zen, beautiful. I like it.
Bartleby Gaines: I could go to jail.
Uncle Ben: Don't worry, you're young. Your butt can take it.
Sherman Schrader: I don't want to be here alone when the walls start to bleed.
Freaky Student: I want to learn how to blow shit up with my mind.
Bartleby Gaines: Does the run-of-the-mill college experience include stripping you of your dignity? Totally humiliating you, making you wear a... a... frigging hot dog suit?
Sherman Schrader: It's a tradition.
Bartleby Gaines: A tradition?
Sherman Schrader: Yes.
Bartleby Gaines: I've got a tradition for you. Schrader, you've been my best friend since we were 5 years old. That's the only tradition I know.
Sherman Schrader: Yeah, cool guys. Let's start this fake college, and then we'll go start a meth lab somewhere. Come on, it's a gateway crime. That's how these things start.
Sherman Schrader: It was your idea to put "acceptance is just one click away"
Bartleby Gaines: Yeah, you put it as "one click away"! You don't make it... clickable.
Sherman Schrader: Who was that?
Bartleby Gaines: Oh, that's our mascot.
Sherman Schrader: A sandwich? You're the shit Sandwiches?
Answer: His friend is the one that created the website and all the necessary documents for the fake school. Even if his friend was able to create such a website, this wouldn't change his transcript from high school, which would negate any abilities used to apply to another school. No matter how creative you are in falsifying documents and websites, you can't change your school transcript unless you hack the schools records, and maybe they drew the line at that. He DID apply to many colleges and was rejected by them all, as demonstrated by the beginning of the movie.
Kimberly Mason