Ben Willis: I read once about a woman whose secret fantasy was to have an affair with an artist. She thought he would really see her. He would see every curve, every line, every indentation and love them because they were part of the beauty that made her unique.
Bill Robinson: We're all getting funerals - all three of us.
Helen Robinson: Bill, get your own funeral. Timmy and I are going zombie.
Grandpa: A real loser is someone who's so afraid of not winning he doesn't even try.
Randal Graves: Emma, are you like this 'cause you have an unnaturally large clit?
Emma: You just *had* to tell him, didn't ya?
Dante Hicks: It kinda came out one day!
Randal Graves: He says it's so big it's almost like a little cock, which says all kinds of weird things about him that I don't even wanna think about.
Steve-O: All right cast me out, goddammit.
Tia Hall: Honey, the girls are having a great time showing everybody the lights. I pray to God that's the only thing they're showing.
Joe: What happened to the blowtorch, Plug?
Plug: My dad just laughed at me.
Aqua: When do I get to see the "Sagrada Familia"?
Chanel: When you learn how to pronounce it right.
Nacho: I was wondering if you would like to join me in my quarters this night... for some toast.
Mikal: Where are you going?
Eugene: East-ish.
Mikal: East-ish?
Brittany: I swear he just stuck his tongue in my mouth.
[Finds Barbie at a yard sale.]
Borat: Is this the owner of the house? Did you shrink her? Please Gypsy lady don't shrink me, I just want your tears.
John Lyshitski: Under all the swastikas, he's a real prick.
Toad: Prepare to meet you maker. Your... "ice maker."
Whitey: Hah hah, makes me laugh every time, that one.
Jessica Wilhern: Penelope, just one man, one man.
Penelope: And he'll run too! They always run. Why can't you accept that? For seven years I've been watching them run. Do you have any idea how that makes me feel? Do you?
Jessica Wilhern: I'm sorry, but we just can't quit.
Penelope: We can, because no matter how much I want to believe there's one man who won't run away, one man who... who.
Pipp Everett: Provost, he has knocked that woman out with his schlong!
Boatyard Woman: Guys who drink Kahlua and cream are not power guys, honey.