Charley: Excuse the cryin'. I am a damn cryin' machine. That's why I drink so much water, won't have any fluids left in me. Have you ever been depressed?
William Gibbs: I've never not been depressed.
Rep. Rudd: You can't get people to care.
Elle: Watch me.
Leland: I think there are two ways you can see the world. You either see the sadness that's behind everything or you choose to keep it all out.
Shiori Kitano: The thing people fear most isn't dying, it's being forgotten.
Adam Shipley: He was wracked with confusion. For the first time in his life, he understood the true meaning of the expressions "horns of a dilemma" and "between a rock and a hard place" - although the concept of "paying through the nose" had always tormented him. How does the money get in the nose in the first place? Once in, is it pulled out by hand, or is a sneeze involved? And who would accept such a transaction? Burning questions all, but he had bigger fish to fry.
Jacki: A murderer, a rapist and a dyke go into a tattoo parlor.
Blake Gardner: Thou movie, which art on screen, hallowed be they name. The time has come. Thou will be shown in theaters as well as home. Give us this day our daily film and forgive our bad choices, as we forgive those whose movies were so bad to choose. And lead us not into television, but deliver us from that evil, for movies are the picture and the sound, and the greatest thing in the whole wide world, forever and ever. Movies Rule.
Det. Stanley Jacobellis: I know. You don't know nothin'. I can tell, just by lookin' at you.
Dave: You are all um, truly fortunate to have as a friend and colleague, uh, Mr. John Wayne Gacy.
Tupac Shakur: What makes me saying 'I don't give a f - -' different than Patrick Henry saying 'Give me liberty or give me death'?
Sam Drebben: Another day, another dollar.
Jonathon Cold: You like the dollar bill?
Mimms: Dead presidents. Greenbacks. You care to expound.
Detective Park Doo-Man: Do you get up each morning too?
Dickie Roberts: May I help you? Was I being too loud in my treeehouse?
Rohit Patel: A very intelligent man has said that the first step to love is friendship and the last is friendship too. It's the middle that's left.
Max Parry: Sometimes we have to behave the way other people think we should.
Mrs. Connelly: Tell me about yourselves. What do you do Alan?
Alex Rose: Uh, it's Alex.
Nancy Kendricks: Alex is a writer.
Mrs. Connelly: Oh, a writer. I always thought of that as more of a hobby than a real job. I suppose I'm forgetting about Joyce.
Alex Rose: Joyce. James Joyce. Of course. Wonderful writer.
Mrs. Connelly: He died drunk and penniless.
Aunt Budge: I would kill for some diarrhea! I haven't had a bowel movement in 17 days.
Desi Arnaz: I work hard, I play hard, I drink hard and I love hard.
Adolf Hitler: If a thief takes your money and you take it back, does that make you also a thief?