Eun-ju: Do you know what's really scary? You want to forget something. Totally wipe it off your mind. But you never can. It can't go away, you see. And... and it follows you around like a ghost.
Ben: Hanging with her for 10 days is gonna be no problem.
Tony: Right. That's only nine days longer than you've ever spent with any other chick, huh?
Mrs. Gibbons: Brian, I think you'd better go check that barbecue.
James Clayton: All I know about the CIA is that they're a bunch of fat, old white guys who fell asleep when we needed them most.
Gen. 'Stonewall' Jackson: In the Army of the Shenandoah, you were the First Brigade! In the Army of the Potomac you were the First Brigade! In the Second Corps of this Army, you are the First Brigade! You are the First Brigade in the affections of your general, and I hope by your future deeds and bearing you will be handed down the posterity as the First Brigade in this our Second War of Independence. God Speed.
Donny: Yo what are you doin?
Stuntman: Gettin' ready to race.
Donny: Without a lid? You not just drunk you crazy.
Stuntman: Just consider it a reminder, in case you glance at me.
Donny: A reminder of what?
Stuntman: That your lid's about to become mine.
Donny: Yea right.
Mitch: Wow. Cheese. Is that you?
Dean Pritchard: Hello, Mitch. Bernard. I see you guys haven't changed much.
Beanie: Who's this guy?
Mitch: Beanie, you remember Cheese, Rodney's kid brother?
Dean Pritchard: Actually, my name's not Cheese anymore. It's Gordon Pritchard.
Beanie: Oh, yeah. Cheeeeeese. Yeah, didn't we lock you in a dumpster one time?
Dean Pritchard: Yea, I got out.
Beanie: Cool man. Good. Glad you did.
Ellis 'Zee' Pettigrew: Those Africans are my people too. For all the years that we have been told to stand down and stand by, you doin' the right thing.
Lt. A.K. Waters: For our sins.
Ellis 'Zee' Pettigrew: Hooyah.
Lt. A.K. Waters: Hooyah.
Sally Weston: Paris, First Class, International.
Sgt. Nathan West: As some of you may have heard, there is a hurricane warning tonight. Well, Rangers do not wait on good weather. Rangers do not wait for bright sun shiny days. Oh, no. Rangers are trained to operate in the worst possible conditions, and takes those conditions and turns them against their enemies. You each have one rifle, one side arm, and one white phosphorous grenade. This is a live E&E, so please keep those weapons safetied, so you are not to shoot off your nonexistent dicks.
Mays: Yo, Lewis. Your mother's ass is so big, when she sits down she's three feet taller. Yo, Lewis. Your mother got a really big ass.
Advisor: Sir, I think it's time we prepare for a debate.
Senator Lewis: Give me one good reason to debate that jerk.
Advisor: He talked about your mother, sir.
Senator Lewis: So what?
[Senator Lewis' mother walks up to him and slaps him in the face.]
Mother: Are you just going to let him talk about me like that?
Henry Dashwood: I think I owe you a rather large apology.
Libby Reynolds: Do you think I've waited 17 years for an apology?
Lou: So my boss, he was talking to me about how many sick days I've taken. And I was like, you know 'Don't go there, ' you know. But he kept on about wanting to see some kind of a doctor's note or something. And I said 'Look, I'm seriously serious. You don't want to go there. He kept talking and talking and being such a nag, and I just blacked out. I blacked out. And I woke up, and I was standing over him and I was screaming "I told you not to go there! I told you not to go there!"
Captain Spaulding: You miserable motherfucker, I ought to leap over this counter and bash your fuckin' balls in.
Killer Karl: All right, Tippy! Hand over the cash box, and I might leave your brains inside your skull.
Captain Spaulding: Well, I'll tell you what, Ski King. Why don't you just take your Mama home some chicken and then I won't have to stuff my boot all up in your ass.
Killer Karl: I don't like chicken! And I hate clowns.
PJ: If you jacked it, how come you got a receipt?
B-Rad: I stole that too.
Lars Olfen: I had a garage band in Stockholm, which was a challenge in its own right, to keep an instrument tuned with that temperature swing. There's a block warmer for the Volvo in the garage but it's cold in there in the winter. So we played and I had a hit that you might have heard of. "Hur?r l?get, lilla gumman?" which means, "How's It Hanging, Grandma?" and it was big on the Swedish charts.
Charlie Hinton: Hey, man, how did it go in there?
Max: ...I missed.
Charlie Hinton: He heh... what does that mean?
Max: I missed.
Charlie Hinton: Oh, hell, no.
Joanie Fisher: And she's English?
Colin Ware: Welsh. Well, half Welsh.
Joanie Fisher: Half Welsh and half.
Colin Ware: Monster.