Old School (2003)

Mitch: Wow. Cheese. Is that you?
Dean Pritchard: Hello, Mitch. Bernard. I see you guys haven't changed much.
Beanie: Who's this guy?
Mitch: Beanie, you remember Cheese, Rodney's kid brother?
Dean Pritchard: Actually, my name's not Cheese anymore. It's Gordon Pritchard.
Beanie: Oh, yeah. Cheeeeeese. Yeah, didn't we lock you in a dumpster one time?
Dean Pritchard: Yea, I got out.
Beanie: Cool man. Good. Glad you did.

Frank: Spanish! Do you trust that we have provided you with enough rope so that your cinderblock will fall safely to the ground?
Spanish: Y-Yes, sir.
Frank: Blue, do you trust that I do not want to see you die here tonight?
Blue: Yes, sir.
Frank: Blue, you're my boy.
Blue: Thank you, sir.

Spanish: Damn, I gonna end up workin' at Red Lobster.
Frat Brother: You already work at Red Lobster.
Spanish: Yea, but its part-time... dick.

Frank: So what do you guys like better? Nurse or cheerleader? Oh, hi Nicole. Have fun at the wedding?

Beanie: Spanish, what the hell are you doing?
Spanish: I'm just going to get some water. This suit is crazy hot, yo.
Beanie: Put your head back on. That can be very traumatic for the kids.
Spanish: You're right, I'm sorry, sir.
Beanie: Don't sorry me, babe. And shake the tail when you walk. You're better than that.

Gang Bang Guy: Hello.
Mitch: Yeah?
Gang Bang Guy: I'm here for the gangbang.

Mitch Martin: At this point, you may be asking yourself, why am I holding this 30 pound cinderblock in my hands? You might also ask yourself, why does this cinderblock have a long piece of string tied to it? And finally, why is the other end of this string tied securely to your penis?
Beanie: And the answer, ladies... is trust.

Frank: Dear Mitch, if you're holding this letter you already know. The house has been boarded up. The doors. The windows. Everything. We're at the Comfort Inn. Room 112. I love you. Frank.

Beanie: Don't beat yourself up over this, Mitch. It's not your fault. Dammit, Blue was old. That's what old people do. They die.

Beanie: All right, let me be the first to say congratulations to then. You get one vagina for the rest of your life. Real smart, Frank. Way to work it through.

Frank: I just wanna tell you guys thanks for being here. Best day ever.
Beanie: Frank, you need to walk away from this right now.

Beanie: Girls love a guy who's in your situation.
Mitch: What situation?
Beanie: Mitch. You're on the rebound. You're like an injured young fawn who's been nursed back to health and is finally going to be released back into the wilderness.

Frank: Honey, you think KFC is still open?

Mitch: I wasn't looking for a girl like that.
Beanie: Well, Columbus wasn't looking for America, my man, but that turned out to be pretty okay for everyone.

Frank: No it's cool, man, bring your green hat.

Beanie: You're the lady, Marissa. High five.

Marissa: Listen, I'm sorry I didn't call you on your birthday.
Frank: My birthday? What do you mean?
Marissa: Yeah, last Thursday. Oh, you forgot your birthday, didn't you, Frank?
Frank: Damn it. I'm such an idiot.

Beanie: Yeah, that's it. I got a student alt rock band coming on next. Mitch, I own six speaker cities. I am worth three-and-a-half-million dollars that the government knows about. I got more electronics up there than a damn kiss concert. Tou think I'm gonna roll out this type of red carpet for a fucking marching band? Just make sure you can see the stage.

Mitch Martin: True love is hard to find, sometimes you think you have true love and then you catch the early flight home from San Diego and a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded like a goddamn magic show ready to double team your girlfriend.

Mitch: So what are you? Campus security?
Dean Pritchard: Try again.
Beanie: Jevohah Witness?
Dean Pritchard: I'm the Dean. Dean Pritchard.