Anger Management (2003)

Lou: So my boss, he was talking to me about how many sick days I've taken. And I was like, you know 'Don't go there, ' you know. But he kept on about wanting to see some kind of a doctor's note or something. And I said 'Look, I'm seriously serious. You don't want to go there. He kept talking and talking and being such a nag, and I just blacked out. I blacked out. And I woke up, and I was standing over him and I was screaming "I told you not to go there! I told you not to go there!"

Chuck: I'm in a mood, Dave. A bad mood, a very bad mood! I was fired from my ice cream truck job today! No more Fudgicles.

Dr. Buddy Rydell: Dave assaulted a female flight attendant in mid-air.
Stacy: Nice.
Gina: I bet you beat her good.
Dave Buznik: I didn't beat anybody. I touched a woman.
Chuck: Liar, bullshitter, you're a woman beater! And you can't admit it, because you're a deluded piece of garbage.
Dave Buznik: I don't know about all that but... now I know why you're here.

Chuck: You come down here before the black wolf swallows my brain! aaaaaahhhhhhhhhh.

Lou: Eskimos seem nice.

Dr. Buddy Rydell: In Europe, it's not considered unusual for three of four men to share a bed.
Dave Buznik: That's why I'm proud to be an American.

Blind Man: Happy now, asswipe?

Dr. Buddy Rydell: ...You're on my side of the arm rest. We're not gonna have problems, are we?

Dr. Buddy Rydell: By the way, I like to sleep in the nude.

Dr. Buddy Rydell: Alright, I'm going to need for you to retard your anger level a few notches and listen to me, can you do that?
Dave Buznik: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah... it's retarded, I'm retarded.

Chuck: Yeah? And I'm sure I just heard him mutter some kind of anti-Semitic remark.
Dave Buznik: Are you Jewish?
Chuck: I could be, but no. Half Irish, half Italian, half Mexican.

Dave Buznik: Look everybody, Pana Banana's got a heinie! He's got a heinie.

Lou: I have a question: Why is it that Chuck here thinks he could smoke?
Chuck: Cause I do whatever I want whenever I want, you little Spanish fruit topping.
Lou: Honey, at least I didn't make my aunt pregnant.

Chuck: I still remember the war.
Dave Buznik: Oh, yeah?
Chuck: Yeah... Remember waking up to the sound of bombs dropping and children screaming.
Dave Buznik: Oh, you were in Vietnam?
Chuck: No... Grenada.
Dave Buznik: Didn't that, like, last only 12 hours?

Dave Buznik: I'm sorry I was so rude before... but... it's difficult for me... to... express myself... when I am on the verge of... exploding in my pants.
Kendra: You are too cute.
Dave Buznik: Get the fuck out of here.

Dr. Buddy Rydell: She said she was going out with a friend named Andrea.
Dave Buznik: She doesn't have a friend named Andrea. Did she say Andrew?
Dr. Buddy Rydell: Oh, ah, yes Andrew... the testicle with legs.

Dr. Buddy Rydell: Let me explain something to you, Dave. There are two kinds of angry people in this world: explosive and implosive. Explosive is the kind of individual you see screaming at the cashier for not taking their coupons. Implosive is the cashier who remains quiet day after day and finally shoots everyone in the store. You're the cashier.
Dave Buznik: No, no, no. I'm the guy hiding in the frozen food section dialling 911. I swear.

Dr. Buddy Rydell: Jibber jabber jibber jabbering, mumbo jumbo, denial, key-key-key-key-key-key.

Dave Buznik: Five hour drive to find out mommy had a jelly bean removed from her nose... Glad I missed work. Can we eat now?

Chuck: After I got back, I went through a rough time. Drinkin' booze, shootin' holes in the ceilin', screamin' myself to sleep... Finally, my parents said I had to move out.
Dave Buznik: So I'm guessing that's when you decided to shack up with your aunt.
Chuck: Don't get cute, wise ass... But, yes.