Ace Ventura: Aaalll righty then.
Sarah: People once believed that when someone dies, a crow carries their soul to the Land of the Dead. But sometimes, something so bad happens that a terrible sadness is carried with it and the soul can not rest. Then sometimes, just sometimes, the crow can bring that soul back to put the wrong things right.
Howard Payne: See, I'm in charge here! I drop this stick, and they pick your friend here up with a sponge! Are you ready to die, friend?
Harry: Fuck you!
Howard Payne: Oh! In two hundred years we've gone from "I regret but I have one life to give for my country" to "Fuck you!"?
Will Randall: What do you do?
Laura: Why do you care?
Will Randall: I don't. I was just making polite conversation.
Laura: I'd rather not discuss what I do.
Will Randall: You know, I think I understand what you're like now. You're very beautiful and you think men are only interested in you because you're beautiful, but you want them to be interested in you because you're you. The problem is, aside from all that beauty, you're not very interesting. You're rude, you're hostile, you're sullen, you're withdrawn. I know you want someone to look past all that at the real person underneath but the only reason anyone would bother to look past all that is because you're beautful. Ironic, isn't it? In an odd way you're your own problem.
Robert Englund: I think they'd like to see us together again.
Heather Lagenkamp: In what? A romantic-comedy?
Robert Englund: Just because it's a love story doesn't mean it can't have a decapitation or two.
Mike Swale: I'm starting to feel like a.
Bridget Gregory: Sex object?
Carol: Oh, I guess we should stop, 'cause Harold has to pee.
Rudy Travis: Get back in the front. Get back up there with Harold! Get up there.
Harold Carvey, DVM: I don't want to play... this game... anymore.
Rudy Travis: You pee in your pants.
McComb: Elections are won with television. You don't need the press, you don't need endorsements, you don't even need the truth. You need money.
Honda: I'm sumo, brother. My body could be in one place, my mind another.
Balrog: Next time your mind leaves, tell it to bring back a pizza.
Susan Hendler: Of course everyone knows! I'm so old fashioned, I greet my employees with a handshake.
Cole: Stevie Wonder could follow these tracks.
Serge: Now, one thing's very important. At the survival boutiqua, I feel that it's my personality, that's it's my philosophy that everything must conform to the three P's, OK? Which is, protection. Prestige. And pretty. I mean, why should you look ugly if you're just trying to survive?
Mickey: The media is like the weather, only it's man-made weather.
Roy: Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, so sayeth the Psalms.
Judge Harry Roosevelt: That's Proverbs 12:22.
David Stephens: And how would you react, then, if I told you I was the Antichrist?
Lt. Jake Stone: Don't ever throw a cat on me again.
Billy: I stole cars at school. Take them over at break. Leave it parked outside the gates and at the end of the day I was the only kid to drive home. I was a fucking hero.