Rev. Brown: I got a special treat for ya' this evening, a young man that you all know as Joe the Policeman from the "What's Going Down" episode of "That's My Momma." I want you to put your hands together, and welcome him to the stage. Big round of applauds for Jackson Heights own, Mr. Randy Watson, YES! Randy Watson.
Carlos: You son of a bitch! How could you do this? Friendship is the only choice in life you can make that's yours! You can't choose your family, God damn it - I've had to face that! And no man should be judged for whatever direction his dick goes - that's like blaming a compass for pointing north, for Christ's sake! Friendship is all we have! We chose each other. How could you fuck it up? How could you make us look so bad?
Heather Chandler: Well, fuck me gently with a chainsaw. Do I look like Mother Teresa?
Willow: What are you doing?
Madmartigan: I found some blackroot. She loves it.
Willow: Blackroot? I am the father of two children and you never, ever give a baby blackroot.
Madmartigan: Well my mother raised us on blackroot. It's good for you. Puts hair on your chest. Doesn't it, Sticks?
Willow: Her name is not Sticks. She's Elora Danan, the future empress of Tir Asleen and the last thing she's gonna want is a hairy chest.
Salvatore 'Toto' Di Vita - Adult: Elena, perhaps in the future we could.
Elena Mendola - Adult, Director's cut only: No, Salvaotre, there is no future. There is only the past. Even last night's encounter was just a dream. A wonderful dream. When we were young, we never did it. Do you remember? Now that it has happened, I can't imagine a better ending.
Salvatore 'Toto' Di Vita - Adult: I'll never agree with you. Never.
Jane: How about a rain check?
Frank: Well, let's just stick to dinner.
Crash Davis: This son of a bitch is throwing a two-hit shutout. He's shaking me off. You believe that shit? Charlie, here comes the deuce. And when you speak of me, speak well.
Daisy: I fucked up.
Charles Gordon Windsor, Jr.: Yeah... but you gave it a 100% effort.
Katherine Parker: Ugh! What a slob.
Tess McGill: You were so smooth with him.
Katherine Parker: Never burn bridges. Today's junior prick, tomorrow's senior partner.
Mac: Are we limp and hard to manage?
Tereza: I was forced to love my mother, but not this dog. You know, Tomas... maybe... maybe, I love her more than I love you. Not more. I mean in a better way. I'm not jealous of her. I don't want her to be different. I don't ask her for anything.
Jefferson "Jake" Edward Briggs: And in the end, I realised that I took more than I gave, I was trusted more than I trusted, and I was loved more than I loved. And what I was looking for was not to be found but to be made.
Jacques: I know you.
Johanna: We just met, a few minutes ago.
Jacques: In the lake.
Johanna: No in the hut.
Jacques: Then it must have been someone who looked like a lot like you.
Smiley: Fuck you Perry.
Perry: That's right Smiley, "fuck you" covers just about everything.
Harry Washello: I know how this sounds, but I answered the phone out there and the guy on the other end he was very, very frantic. He thought I was his dad for a minute, I think he just had the wrong area code.
Fred the Cook: Yeah, so what?
Harry Washello: So he was calling from a missile silo! He said that they were locked in, 50 minutes and counting, to shoot off their nuclear wad. We would be getting it back in an hour and 10. I mean he meant that we're at war! Nuclear war.
Peter Plunkett: All I wanted to be was happily useless, you made me miserably useless.
Lorna: You are certifiable! What is this? Some sort of smart-ass joke? You're taking cooking?
Michael: I want to learn how to cook.
Lorna: Yeah, right. You have some burning desire to learn how to make apple brown betty.
Michael: What are you doing here if you think so highly of it?
Lorna: Well, they wouldn't let me take auto mechanics, and I didn't have time to take the issue to the Supreme Court.