Joel Hammond: Okay, we say we came across this murder site and we're just cleaning it up.
Sheila Hammond: Who cleans up murder sites?
Joel: I don't know. We're Mormons?
Sheila: Mormons don't clean up murder sites.
Joel: Mormons are helpful.
Reverend Purdy: I destroy my enemy when I make him my friend.
Rod Serling: For those of you who've never met me, you might call me the under-nourished Alfred Hitchcock.
Simon Holmes: Sometimes I wish we collected stamps for fun, instead of battling the forces of weirdness.
Hemlock Diego's Policy Player's Dream Book - S2-E5
Olivia: Are you telling me I only have a couple of hundred years left?
Pryce: More like a normal human lifespan.
Olivia: Human lifespan is over like that. Hardly worth going to the trouble of being born.
Hannah: Hey, Alex. What's the matter? I told you I don't bite.
Edward: How much to leave the shop and never come back? Seventy? Eighty? All right a pound.
Leon Tyler: We need to cauterize the wound.
Thelma Bates: How do we do that?
Leon Tyler: Well, in star wars they used the light saber.
Crypt Keeper: Heads, I win. Tails, you ooze.
Dale Cooper: Harry, is that bag smiling?
Eric Northman: I've seen your website... it's very low rent.
Paul: You know, sometimes a guys just gotta set the world on fire, hey Rolfy. I wonder if there's a nice bottle of rubbing alcohol around here, and a match.
Tracy: Now that I've expressly told you I don't need your help... I need your help.
Ezekiel Stone: What the hell do you know about love?
The Devil: Love, the most delicious emotion of all. Without love you and I would be out of a job.
Chanel Oberlin: What fresh hell is this?