Robert Leffingwell: I'm an egghead. I'm not only an egghead, I'm a premeditated egghead. I set out to become an egghead and at this moment I'm in full flower of eggheadedness, and I hope to spread the spores of egghead everywhere I go.
John O'Hanlan: Harley, I want... want you to do me a favor. Don't ever tell anyone here in Cheyenne I voted Democratic. You'll do that for me, won't you?
Harley Sullivan: If you say so.
John O'Hanlan: Thank you.
Harley Sullivan: John, you don't mind if I still vote Democratic, do you?
John O'Hanlan: Just so long as you're not seen with me when you do it. Be bad for business.
John O'Hanlan: Will you tell Mr. Willowby I would like to talk to him?
Harley Sullivan: He's still in the Doc's office.
John O'Hanlan: I didn't know he was sick.
Harley Sullivan: He weren't until you started that fight. He was hit in the face with a piano stool, so they say. I hear that saloon looks like it was in the path of a buffalo stampede.
John O'Hanlan: All for a good cause, Harley. All for Texas.
Harley Sullivan: I remember one winter - it was almost as cold as this down in the south of Arkansas. It got to be so cold down there that winter that just about every female in the county came up pregnant in the spring. All the following summer and fall the men and boys were praying for another cold winter.
Harley Sullivan: Did I ever tell ya how my Uncle Charlie got stoved up?
John O'Hanlan: No, Harley.
Harley Sullivan: His home set right out in the prarie. One day he went in the outhouse and got caught right in the middle of a stampede. When he went in there wasn't a cow in sight. A few minutes late 365 longhorns ran over him. Broke him up something terrrible. That was nineteen years ago and he's still constipated.
Harley Sullivan: Take Helen. She had flame red hair, pitch black eyes, ruby lips and no teeth - but talk about a body! She could straddle two horses at the same time. I went with her until I found out she dipped snuff. There's something awful unfemale about a snuff dipper - don't you think so, John?
Mike King: Why did you bring those bodies here?
Jethro Stuart: They're railroaders. I thought somebody in the railroad might be interested.
Mike King: I'm the railroad and I'm not interested.
Lt. J.g. Douglas A. Roberts: You pretend you want me to improve your mind. You've never finished one book I've given you to read.
Ensign Frank Thurlowe Pulver: I've finished "God's Little Acre," Doug boy.
Lt. J.g. Douglas A. Roberts: I didn't give you that. He's been reading "God's Little Acre" for over a year now. He's underlined every erotic passage and added exclamation points. And after a certain pornographic climax, he's inserted the words "well written."
Lt. J.g. Douglas A. Roberts: Captain, you told me.
The Captain: Never mind what I told you. I'm telling you!.
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