Marty Wolf: First lesson in Hollywood, sweetheart: Always get it in writing.
John: Is that morphine in there? God, beats the hell out of aspirin.
Joe Gould: Jesus H. Christ! Jesus Mary and Joseph! All the saints and martyrs and Jesus! Did I mention Jesus?
Tom Duffy: All the reporters love you. Even the reporters that hate you still love you.
Chief Inspector Uhl: As you know... we some times follow Duchess Von Teschen for her protection... Yesterday she was seen in the company of another man.
Crown Prince Leopold: What man?
Chief Inspector Uhl: Eisenheim, the illusionist.
Crown Prince Leopold: What were they doing?
Chief Inspector Uhl: Well they were meeting and uh.
Crown Prince Leopold: Touching? Kissing?.. Fornicating?
Cleveland Heep: I'm sorry I couldn't protect you. Oh, I should have been there. I am always going to regret... just not being there. I'll miss your faces. They remind me of God. I'm so lost without you guys. I met this very nice lady, and her name's Story. I think you would have liked her. I think she might be... an Angel, because she has to go home. I love you all, I love you all so much.
Cleveland Heep: I'll miss your faces. Oh, they reminded me of God.
Shorty: C'mon, don't be mean to the one that does everything for you.
Shorty: Say one word about this hat, and I'm outta here.
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