Marty Wolf: First lesson in Hollywood, sweetheart: Always get it in writing.
John: Is that morphine in there? God, beats the hell out of aspirin.
Joe Gould: Jesus H. Christ! Jesus Mary and Joseph! All the saints and martyrs and Jesus! Did I mention Jesus?
Joe Gould: I got you another fight.
Jim Braddock: Ha ha, go to hell.
Paul Hunham: Believe it or not, Mr. Tully, there was a time when the fire in my loins burned white hot.
Angus Tully: You're full of shit.
Paul Hunham: No, the details would curl your toes.
Paul Hunham: Do you think I want to be babysitting you? No. I was praying your mother would pick up the phone, or your father would arrive in a helicopter or a flying saucer.
Angus Tully: My father's dead!
Paul Hunham: He was a great kid, I had him one semester. Very insightful.
Mary Lamb: Mmhmm. He hated you.
Paul Hunham: Well, uh, like I said... sharp kid - insightful.
Paul Hunham: You just earned yourself a detention!
Angus Tully: Being with you is already one big detention!
Paul Hunham: Son of a bitch! That's another detention!
Tom Duffy: All the reporters love you. Even the reporters that hate you still love you.
Tom Duffy: Get out, now. Or otherwise...
Stephen Meyers: Otherwise, I'll end up like you?
Tom Duffy: Yeah, you end up being a jaded, cynical asshole, just like me.
Chief Inspector Uhl: Then why are you doing this?
Eisenheim: To be with her.
Chief Inspector Uhl: As you know... we some times follow Duchess Von Teschen for her protection... Yesterday she was seen in the company of another man.
Crown Prince Leopold: What man?
Chief Inspector Uhl: Eisenheim, the illusionist.
Crown Prince Leopold: What were they doing?
Chief Inspector Uhl: Well they were meeting and uh.
Crown Prince Leopold: Touching? Kissing?.. Fornicating?
Crown Prince Leopold: He has tricked you, it is all an illusion.
Chief Inspector Uhl: Perhaps there is truth in this illusion.
Chief Inspector Uhl: You don't know that.
Eisenheim: No. But you do.
Crown Prince Leopold: What do you want?
Chief Inspector Uhl: Nothing.
Crown Prince Leopold: Then you shall get nothing.
Chief Inspector Uhl: As a boy, I'm told, he had a chance encounter with a traveling magician.
Traveling Magician: Boy.
Chief Inspector Uhl: One version of the story was that the man himself then vanished. Along with the tree! Who knows what actually happened.
Cleveland Heep: Hello Story, my name is Cleveland.
Story: From the cliffs. That's what your name means.
Cleveland Heep: Where did you learn that?
Story: From my studies.
Cleveland Heep: I'm sorry I couldn't protect you. Oh, I should have been there. I am always going to regret... just not being there. I'll miss your faces. They remind me of God. I'm so lost without you guys. I met this very nice lady, and her name's Story. I think you would have liked her. I think she might be... an Angel, because she has to go home. I love you all, I love you all so much.
Cleveland Heep: I'll miss your faces. Oh, they reminded me of God.
Cleveland Heep: Where are you from?
Story: The Blue World.
Cleveland Heep: Is that an apartment?
