John: We've been banging together like a pair of cymbals in an overworked marching band.
Marco Zuluaga: Love is the saddest thing when it goes away, as a song by Jobim goes.
Jake Hayes: I don't speak terrorist.
Jimmy Tong: That's definitely not a rental.
Ben Carpenter: C'mon, you mother. Come to papa.
Professor Utonium: ...and I'll name you Buttercup, because... it also begins with a b.
Gerald: Do these belts come in any other color?
Bridget: Black or pink?
Gerald: Uh, we'll take black.
Harlan: There's no way you're telling me that thing back there is from Earth.
Chris McCormick: All right! They're spiders from Mars! You happy?
Harlan: No.
Dave: Your mama's got no teeth and that's perfect for her line of work.
Rachel: I'm with B.N.S.
Kelly Robinson: Yeah, what's B.N.S. stand for? Bitch that Needs some Slapping?
Justine: Oh, who gives a shit! Who needs a fucken baby anyway, you wanna make your self useful around here, why don't you get that goddamn TV fixed?
Phil Last: What the hell?
Justine: It sounds like a helicopter is landing in here.
Randolph Grady: You know, I could help you study.
Starla Grady: Yeah and what's the catch?
Randolph Grady: No catch, you just gotta be nice to me for the rest of my life.
Starla Grady: Ha! I should have known you'd exploit this for emotional blackmail. That's just mean you... user.
Trailer Trash Thumb: A lot of kids were disappearing in the woods, all mysterious like. And people thought it might be... David Copperfield. In a stage show, he took a llama and put it in a box. He closed the box and spinned it around. He opened up the box. There's no llama! And you don't see that every day, there's a llama here, llama gone. Llama, no llama. Just chills you to the bones.
Marv Merchants: Well, prison isn't so bad. We do get salisbury steak on Wednesdays.
Bunny: Igby, I could just eat you with a spoon.
Igby: Don't.
Alan A. Allen: I am an inventor, Patrick. An inventor of machines.
Catherine: Oh, eww, this arugal is so bitter! It'l like my algebra teacher on my bread.