Longfellow Deeds: Whoa, you kinda snuck up on me there.
Emilio: I am very very sneaky, sir.
Crazy Eyes: I thought we were watching Scooby Doo.
Emilio: I fear you are underestimating the sneakiness, sir.
Babe, aka "Pam Dawson": Oh, you have got to be shittin' me.
Longfellow Deeds: Whoa... that's the first time I've heard you curse.
Babe: I'm that excited.
Chuck Cedar: We're looking for somebody. Longfellow Deeds.
Murph: Wow! Is that's Deeds' first name?
Cecil Anderson: Well, if the Deeds you're referring to is Longfellow Deeds, then yes, that is Deeds' first name.
Murph: Well, I don't know Deeds' first name, maybe it's Greg.
Cecil Anderson: Maybe it's Longfellow.
Murph: Maybe. But I don't know. I know another guy named Greg. You want me to call him up?
Chuck Cedar: No! Thank you. Please. Just tell us where Deeds lives.
Longfellow Deeds: I bet if we ran into the sixth grade version of ourselves, they'd give us wet willies and put bubble gum in our hair for even thinking about doing this.
Shareholder: He's right! I would've beaten my greedy ass red.
Shareholder: I would've thrown myself off the merry-go-round.
Shareholder: I would've duct tape myself naked to a chair and burnt myself with lit cigarettes.
Longfellow Deeds: Did anyone dream of becoming a psychiatrist? Just kidding.
Nazo, the Italian Delivery Man: Holy Shit, it's a cat.
Crazy Eyes: I watch the stock market channel all the time - I just watch because I suspect that anchor man of being an evil leprechaun... he can bullshit everybody else, but he ain't fooling me.
Murph: Look at Deedsy haning out with McEnroe! That's awesome.
Crazy Eyes: I love the Beach Boys.
Chuck Cedar: He's gonna get 100 grand for that picture, it'll be all over the news in an hour.
Longfellow Deeds: Well, he deserves it with those James Bond moves he just pulled.
Chuck Cedar: No, he deserves to get his throat cut. Filthy spy.
Murph: Hey look, Deeds is hanging out with John McEnroe.
Crazy Eyes: I love The Beach Boys.