Sheldon: Someone toss me a beach towel because my head is swimming.
Burke: This is the high life, Sheldon. You gotta get used to this. Pretty soon you're gonna be pissin' on hundred dollar bills just to see the look on Franklin's face.
Sheldon: I don't think I could ever do that. I have much too much respect for what that man accomplished.
Sheldon: I'll be in my office, the big one with a view.
Nora: They all have views, you dumb shit.
Sheldon: Not looking this way, cupcake.
Sheldon: When my brothers and I played cowboys and Indians, I was always the Chinese railroad worker.
Angelo Pike: He was jacked up higher than a prom dress in June.
Sheldon: You can't change the world but you can make a dent.
Sheldon: So remember kids, a stepdad is a lot like a new puppy. They need patience and love while they adjust to their new surroundings. But remember - if he is ever abusive to you or mommy, what are the magic numbers?
Sheldon: Thaaaaaaat's right.
Randolph: First he takes my career, then my life, now my girl. The balls on that fuchsia fuck! I'm gonna tear him apart, piece by piece.
Randolph: You want your little booger eater on my show?
Wife: Yes, very much.
Randolph: Then don't tell me how to run my fucking business.
Randolph: What about Wally the Whale?
Sheldon: Laura, how could you do it with Wally the Whale?
Randolph: There she blows.
Sheldon: I don't believe this is happening. I can't believe you didn't tell me about this.
Nora: Listen, Sheldon, I'm not proud of it but, there was a time in my life when I was a bit of a kiddie host groupie.
Bartender: I never saw anyone get buzzed off orange juice.
Sheldon: Let me tell you a secret - if you squirt a little liquid alfalfa in, it's blast off time.