Val: For me, the nicest thing about masturbation is afterward, the cuddling time.
Val: For God sakes, this is a woman I was married to for 10 years. We made love. I'd hold her head over the toilet bowl when she threw up.
Lori: From making love with you?
Val: Thank God the French exist.
Val: I got the last plane out of Toronto. Hey, have you ever seen Canada? Now I know why there's no crime up there.
Val: ...driving around his 1938 Vintage Roadster. If someone saw me in a vintage '38, they'd think I was Himmler.
Val: You know, I would kill for this job, but the people I want to kill are the people offering me the job.
Val: I came to hold out an olive branch.
Tony Waxman: "An olive branch"? What is this, the Israeli parliament?
Ed: Look, I love Val. I love him. But with all due respect... he's a raving, incompetent psychotic.
Ellie: He's not incompetent.