Yianni: Ian, if you're gonna be in this family, I get you some earplugs because the Portokalos women, if they're not nagging someone... they DIE.
Toula Portokalos: Ah, you're in so much trouble when I tell my sister.
Athena: Tell me what?
Toula Portokalos: When I was growing up, I knew I was different. The other girls were blonde and delicate, and I was a swarthy six-year-old with sideburns.
Toula Portokalos: Nice Greek girls are supposed to do three things in life: marry Greek boys, make Greek babies, and feed everyone... until the day we die.
Toula Portokalos: Ma, Dad is so stubborn. What he says goes. "Ah, the man is the head of the house!"
Maria Portokalos: Let me tell you something, Toula. The man is the head, but the woman is the neck. And she can turn the head any way she wants.
Maria Portokalos: Toula, on my wedding night, my mother, she said to me, "Greek women, we may be lambs in the kitchen, but we are tigers in the bedroom."
Toula Portokalos: Eww. Please let that be the end of your speech.
Toula Portokalos: I had to go to Greek school, where I learned valuable lessons such as, "If Nick has one goat and Maria has nine, how soon will they marry?"
Toula Portokalos: There are three things that every Greek woman must do in life: marry Greek boys, make Greek babies, and feed everyone.
Toula Portokalos: Nice Greek girls who don't find a husband, work in the family restaurant. So here I am, day after day, year after year, thirty and way past my expiration date.
Nick Portokalos: Don't let your past dictate who you are, but let it be part of who you will become.
Toula Portokalos: Nick that's beautiful.
Nick Portokalos: Yeah that dear Abby really knows what she's talking about.