Jack Crow: You ever seen a vampire?
Father Adam Guiteau: No I haven't.
Jack Crow: No? Well first of all, they're not romantic. It's not like they're a bunch of fuckin' fags hoppin' around in rented formal wear and seducing everybody in sight with cheesy Euro-trash accents, all right? Forget whatever you've seen in the movies: they don't turn into bats, crosses don't work, and garlic? You wanna try garlic? You could stand there with garlic around your neck and one of these buggers will bend you fucking over and take a walk up your estrada chocolata while he is suckin' the blood outta your neck.
Cambi: Yeah, yeah, Joanie loves Chachi, but does Chachi give a flyin' fuck about Joanie?
Rodney Fraser: One shouldn't be too hard on oneself when the object of one's affection returns the favor with rather less enthusiasm than one might have hoped.
David: Yeah, where's our lawyer?
Big Bob: Oh, I think we want to keep these proceedings as pleasant as possible.
Sally Owens: Louis L'amour, who, by the way, was not a foreigner! He was from North Dakota, you asshole.
Stu: Okay, maybe real fire isn't the best idea for a children's toy.
Anthony 'Hub' Hubbard: You will go to prison.
Agent Frank Haddad: You know what happens to women in prison?
Elise Kraft: Mmmmm... yummm.
Dr. Laura Baker: The alien DNA infected us, it's about time we infected them.
Luke: Anna! You do not run out on your mother.
Anna Harrison: No, that's your job.
Lt. Col. Gordon Tall: The only time you should start worrying about a soldier is when they stop bitchin'.
Michael McDonnell, gas station attendant: Someone's in the back... seat.
John Royce: I thought we didn't take our work personally.
Sam Gerard: We don't. I do.
Robert Boyd: Time for some serious self-exploration - how do I function. For real! No more bullshit. Can I keep my cool when they bounce my bananas, when they won't play my song, etc, etc, etc. Do you get me? DO you GET ME?
Michael Berkow: Not really, no.
Annie O'Shea: But he's never told a lie in his life.
Jackie O'Shea: Well, he's making up for it now.
Chris Nielsen: That's when I realised I'm part of the problem. Not because I remind you. But because I couldn't join you. So I left you alone. Don't give up, okay?
Dr. Gonzo: You drive. You drive. I think there's something wrong with me.
Herr Schuster: The ball is round, a game lasts 90 minutes, everything else is pure theory. Off we go.
Gia Carangi: Where are you going?
Linda: You don't have any clothes on.
Gia Carangi: Don't change the subject.
Doc: Do you have nicoise?
Diner Cook: I told you. We have ranch, Italian, and chunky bleu cheese, which is 50 cents extra.
Doc: Do you have any balsamic vinegar?
Diner Cook: I got ranch, Italian, chunky bleu cheese.
Doc: How about a gun so I can shoot myself in the head?
Maximillian Cohen: 11:15, restate my assumptions: 1. Mathematics is the language of nature. 2. Everything around us can be represented and understood through numbers. 3. If you graph these numbers, patterns emerge. Therefore: There are patterns everywhere in nature.