Dean Adams: Missing? He's not missing! It's the weekend. He's most likley shacked up in some motel with a girl. Or a guy... farm animal... whatever! Weren't you ever eighteen?
Reese Wilson: Not that kind of eighteen.
Reese Wilson: Are you trying to give me a heart attack?
Weird Janitor: Boo.
Parker: Please, Damon is the biggest practical joker I know. He once convinced a sophomore that he was the middle Hanson brother just so he could get laid.
Michael McDonnell, gas station attendant: Someone's in the back... seat.
Paul Gardener: How long have you been working here?
Weird Janitor: Too damn long.
Brenda: Don't you want to be an urban legend, Nat? All your friends are now.