Friedrich Bhaer: I am going to the west. They need teachers and they are not so concerned about the accent.
Jo March: I don't mind it either.
Troy Dyer: I've wanted you like this for all these years.
The Judge: Deciding what is true and what isn't now seems to me...a lack of modesty.
Valentine: Vanity?
The Judge: Vanity.
Simon Wilder: Which door do I leave from?
Proffesor Pitkannan: At Harvard we don't end our sentences with prepositions.
Simon Wilder: Okay. Which door do I leave from, asshole?
Carol: Oh, I guess we should stop, 'cause Harold has to pee.
Rudy Travis: Get back in the front. Get back up there with Harold! Get up there.
Harold Carvey, DVM: I don't want to play... this game... anymore.
Rudy Travis: You pee in your pants.
Kris: If you can't learn to accept ANYTHING on faith, then you are doomed for a life dominated by doubt.
Officer Sam 'Mad Dog' Shaw: Where you guys from, Texas?
Pepper: Texas? Ain't no real cowboys from Texas, we're from New Mexico.
Bill: You got the wrong file. When have I ever been a teacher?
Beverly: Look, you've got a Masters degree, that means you can teach.
Bill: No it doesn't. No, it only means hypothetically that I could.
Beverly: Come on, Bill. Now it's a good job. Six weeks. A decent salary. And you get to live there.
Bill: Beverly, I...I'll get my head blown off. Do you know how many kids carry guns to school these days?
Beverly: In this case all of them. I guess you didn't get to the "where" part.
North: What are you? Some kind of guardian angel?
Narrator: Well, I guess you can say that, because in a manner of speaking we at Federal Express feel that we are guardians. Guardians of your most important packages and priority communique.
Mickey: Right now, I'd go down on a lawman for a gallon of gas.
Alex Law: Look over there! It's Cameron.
Juliet Miller: Who?
Alex Law: Cameron. You remember Cameron.
Juliet Miller: No, I don't.
Alex Law: What's he doing here?
Juliet Miller: That's not him.
Alex Law: It is. Cameron! Cameron! Come on over here! Come on.
Cameron: What?
Alex Law: Nothing. We thought you were someone else. Good luck. (Cameron leaves.) I love that guy, but why does he have to follow us around?
Mrs. Higgins: Think you can make anymore damn noise, what that damn car of yours?
Stephen: Sorry, Mrs. Higgins.
Mrs. Higgins: And stop trying to look through my dress, and see my nipples.
George Knox: You're Roger's mom?
Maggie Nelson: Nope.
George Knox: Aunt? Grandma?
Maggie Nelson: No, we're not related. This is a short-term foster care facility, I run it. Roger is a ward of the state.
George Knox: I see. So Roger, he's got a wild imagination? Always coming up with stories?
Maggie Nelson: No actually, he's very grounded. Truth is most kids who are taken away from their parents by the court system, have a good handle on reality.
Cliff Spab: I'd like to live forever... but only for a little while.
Michael McDougal: This is great! This is great! It writes like butter. I mean, there is actual butter coming out of my pen.
Cole: Stevie Wonder could follow these tracks.
Don Juan: There are only four questions of value in life, Don Octavio. What is sacred? Of what is the spirit made? What is worth living for, and what is worth dying for? The answer to each is the same: only love.
Roy: Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, so sayeth the Psalms.
Judge Harry Roosevelt: That's Proverbs 12:22.
The Father: You've got a terrible case of "nobody tells me what to do."