Doug Ireland: Nothing's impossible Albert. Impossible just takes a couple extra phone calls.
James Wright: How many Beatles are there?
Kyle Davidson: Three... and Ringo.
Kay Curley: It's a terrible shock.
Dessie Curley: What is?
Kay Curley: Being married for 25 years, and finding out your husband's a prick.
Michael Chapman: I turned Angela from a pickpocket into a star into a shoplifter.
Athletic Cone: I have learned much from watching the Garthok battle. It has weaknesses. I believe I can take it.
Beldar Conehead: Uh-huh. And let me know when Elvis gets here.
Mikey Ubriacco: I don't wanna brush my teeth. I brushed them last Saturday.
James: I know, but you're gonna have plants growing out of your mouth.
Larry Lipton: Claustrophobia and a dead body - this is a neurotic's jackpot.
Joon: Don't underestimate the mentally ill. We know how to count.
Michaelangelo: Man, I love being a turtle.
Sister Mary Robert: The only thing the chef knows how to cook is German sausage.
Sister Mary Lazarus: Day after day, liverwurst, bratwurst, beerwurst.
Sister Mary Patrick: It's the "worst."
[Addressing a roomful of Japanese businessmen.]
President Benson: It seems like only yesterday I was strafing so many of your homes. Yet here I am today, begging you not to make such good cars.
Max Goldman: If I had known I would be doing a nude scene, I'd have asked for another million.
Iggy: All right, Kids, come in here and Clean up Yer Bloody Room! I know well, cuz I'm 37, and don't make Me beat You with Leg of Mine that no longer Works cuz I'll do it.
Laura Jackson: What a stupid idiot.
Jed Clampett: Did you say something, ma'am?
Laura Jackson: What a stupendous intellect.
Jethro: That's cause I "grad-ge-ated" the sixth grade, ma'am. Only took three years.
Regina: If you want your dog back, call my lawyer.
Hope Burnford: Hungry?
Sassy: No.
Hope Burnford: But it's shrimp. You like shrimp.
Sassy: Yeah, well, I've still got those four pesky ounces still hanging on from last Christmas.
Nancy Archer: Missed me?
Harry Archer: I don't suppose you want to hear my side of this?