Milburn Drysdale: Son, I want you to close your eyes for a minute. Now, imagine I've taken away your allowance, your cellphone, your car and cut you out of my will. How do you see your future?
Morgan Drysdale: Flipping frozen cow parts at Burger King?
Milburn Drysdale: And people say you're stupid.
Laura Jackson: What a stupid idiot.
Jed Clampett: Did you say something, ma'am?
Laura Jackson: What a stupendous intellect.
Jethro: That's cause I "grad-ge-ated" the sixth grade, ma'am. Only took three years.
Elly May: I reckon why they got two sets of steps.
Jethro: That's easy! One's for going up, and the other's for going down.
Elly May: Oh.
Jed Clampett: Elly, Nature made you a girl, and here lately she's been gettin' more and more positive about it.
Milburne Drysdale: I'm president of a bank.
Jethro: Wow, can I be president of a bank too?
Jed Clampett: Jethro that was a mighty disrespectful thing to say to Mr. Drysdale. Ask if you can be vice president.