Principal Jane Masterson: You can plunder my dungeon anytime.
Ned Gold: I'll bring my longbow.
Quintus Arrius: Your eyes are full of hate, forty-one. That's good. Hate keeps a man alive. It gives him strength.
Ernest Tucker: The funny thing about that little white speck on the top of chicken shit. That little white speck is chicken shit too.
Alice: Where is this love? I can't see it, I can't touch it. I can't feel it. I can hear it. I can hear some words, but I can't do anything with your easy words.
Ginny: I really love Rudy. He is totally enamored of me. I mean, I've had men who've loved me before, but not for six months in a row.
Ron Burgundy: Last time I looked in the dictionary, my name's Ron Burgundy. What's your name?
Brian Fantana: Brian Fantana.
Champ Kind: Champ Kind.
Brick Tamland: Brian Fantana.
Brian Fantana: No, you're Brick.
Brick Tamland: Brian.
Brian Fantana: I'm Brian.
Brick Tamland: Veronica.
Hitch: I just know that I want to be... Miserable. Like, *really* miserable. But hey, if that's what it takes for me to be happy, then... Wait, that didn't come out right.
Olaf: I can't feel my legs! I can't feel my legs!
Kristoff: Those are my legs.
Astrid Young Teo: It was never my job to make you feel like a man. I can't make you something you're not.
Wyatt: By the way, why are we wearing bras on our heads?
Gary: It's ceremonial.
[Later, after Wyatt talks to Chet, Wyatt begins to leave the kitchen and Chet sees him wearing women's underwear.]
Chet: Like your panties.
Wyatt: [walking back into kitchen] It's a joke, Chet. Really.
Chet: No. That is not a joke. That is a severe behavioral disorder. Next thing you know you'll be wearing a bra on your head.
Alex: David, please be rational. Let's go and see Dr. Hirsch.
David: Yeah, be rational. Sure. I'm a fucking werewolf, for Christ's sake.
Scarlett: I can shoot straight, if I don't have to shoot too far.
Richie Vento: Yeah, get me Hollycourt 55377. Hello, it's Daddy. Hey, darling. Put Mommy on the phone. Yeah, Barbara, it's Richie. Yeah lookit, I ain't never coming home no more. Take it easy.
Maria: All of you! You all killed him! And my brother, and Riff. Not with bullets, or guns, with hate. Well now I can kill, too, because now I have hate.
Bernard: Curtis, you're 900 years old. Grow up.
Paula McFadden: I thought you said you were decent.
Elliot Garfield: I am decent. I also happen to be naked.
Arnie: A little flirtation is harmless but you're dealing with fire here. The fidelity bank and trust is a tough creditor. You make a deposit somewhere else, they close your account - forever.
Novalee Nation: What do you think? It took me a whole month to get back to my old size.
Thelma 'Sister' Husband: Oh, well, a little weight on a woman is no harm.
Margaret Tate: If you touch my ass one more time I will cut your balls off in your sleep, okay?