Quotes from Melissa McCarthy movies and TV shows

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Below are some quotes involving Melissa McCarthy - click the title to view the complete list. If you think their finest moments are missing from the full list, please submit them.

Kevin: Can I bring my cat to work? He has terrible anxiety problems.
Abby Yates: Oh, I'd love to let you bring your cat to work, but I have a terrible cat allergy.
Kevin: I don't have a cat. He's a dog. His name is My Cat.
Abby Yates: You named your dog My Cat?
Kevin: Mike Hat.
Erin Gilbert: First name Mike, last name Hat?
Kevin: Well, his full name is Michael Hat.

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Erin Gilbert: I'm not good in a fight.
Abby Yates: Well, here's your chance to work on that.

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Mullins: That cat took one look at your shitty shitty life, and said nooooo fucking thanks.

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Mullins: You're giving her beauty advice? Do you even own a fucking mirror?

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Mullins: I mean, who closes the door when they're taking a shit?

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Mullins: I'll kill her with your dead body!

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Mullins: I'll shut the door on you. You lay down here and put your head in the door. And I'll slam it about 157,000 times.

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Mullins: My fear is that I'm gonna put you in a bikini and you'll still look like a fucking bank teller.

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Ashburn: I was actually married for six-some years.
Mullins: Was he a man of hearing?

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Mullins: If you're not in trouble you're not doing your job.

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Diana: Ugh, my neck!
Sandy: Neck hurts, huh? Why don't we swap information, Sandy Bigelow Patterson. Bigelow's such a rare name.
Diana: It's a family name. Jeremiah Bigelow was a pretty well known bear hunter.
Sandy: He sounds brave. Here's my driver's license with my name, Sandy Bigelow Patterson. Gotcha!

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Sandy Patterson: You're diabolical.
Diana: Thank you.
Sandy Patterson: That's not a compliment.
Diana: I know.

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Susan Cooper: Where'd you get a suit?
Rick Ford: I fucking made it, didn't I?

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Susan Cooper: Well, here's to your mom.
Rayna Boyanov: To my mother. And to you.
Susan Cooper: And here's to you. I mean you may never be as wise as an owl but you'll always be a hoot to me! Haha.
Rayna Boyanov: What a stupid fucking retarded toast. You're delightful.
Susan Cooper: As are you.

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Rick Ford: You really think you're ready for the field? I once used defibrillators on myself. I put shards of glass in my fuckin' eye. I've jumped from a high-rise building using only a raincoat as a parachute and broke both legs upon landing; I still had to pretend I was in a fucking Cirque du Soleil show! I've swallowed enough microchips and shit them back out again to make a computer. This arm has been ripped off completely and re-attached with *this* fuckin' arm.
Susan Cooper: I don't know that that's possible... I mean medically...
Rick Ford: During the threat of an assassination attempt, I appeared convincingly in front of congress as Barack Obama.
Susan Cooper: In black-face? That's not appropriate.
Rick Ford: I watched the woman I love get tossed from a plane and hit by another plane mid-air. I drove a car off a freeway on top of a train while on fire. Not the car, *I* was on fire.
Susan Cooper: Jesus, you're intense.

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Rayna Boyanov: My father used to bring people like you here.
Susan Cooper: Did he also make you dress like a slutty dolphin trainer?

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Susan Cooper: I look like someone's homophobic aunt.

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Bradley Fine: Nice drone work, Coop. I could kiss you!
Susan Cooper: Oh, haha, well I would accept that with an open mouth.

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Tammy: Once I got fingered by Boz Scaggs.
Pearl: Oh, Tammy.
Tammy: No, it's okay. It turns out it wasn't Boz Scaggs.

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Tammy: That's not chicken. I don't know what it is, but it's not bird.
Keith Morgan: I can promise you that's 110% bird.
Tammy: Bird doesn't come out of a squeezy tube!

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