Quotes from Melissa McCarthy movies and TV shows

Michelle Darnell: Pity's all you've got. Pity's your best friend.

Michelle Darnell: Let's watch Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

Michelle Darnell: I am amazed that the United Center is even still standing because I crushed it tonight.
Tito: You crushed it like velvet.

Michelle Darnell: I tried a Dorito for the first time last night. It wasn't cheese. It was... cheese adjacent, but not cheese. It was really good.

Kevin: Can I bring my cat to work? He has terrible anxiety problems.
Abby Yates: Oh, I'd love to let you bring your cat to work, but I have a terrible cat allergy.
Kevin: I don't have a cat. He's a dog. His name is My Cat.
Abby Yates: You named your dog My Cat?
Kevin: Mike Hat.
Erin Gilbert: First name Mike, last name Hat?
Kevin: Well, his full name is Michael Hat.

Erin Gilbert: I'm not good in a fight.
Abby Yates: Well, here's your chance to work on that.

Mullins: You're giving her beauty advice? Do you even own a fucking mirror?

Mullins: That cat took one look at your shitty shitty life, and said nooooo fucking thanks.

Mullins: I mean, who closes the door when they're taking a shit?

Mullins: I'll kill her with your dead body!

Mullins: I'll shut the door on you. You lay down here and put your head in the door. And I'll slam it about 157,000 times.

Mullins: My fear is that I'm gonna put you in a bikini and you'll still look like a fucking bank teller.

Ashburn: I was actually married for six-some years.
Mullins: Was he a man of hearing?

Mullins: If you're not in trouble you're not doing your job.

Diana: Ugh, my neck!
Sandy: Neck hurts, huh? Why don't we swap information, Sandy Bigelow Patterson. Bigelow's such a rare name.
Diana: It's a family name. Jeremiah Bigelow was a pretty well known bear hunter.
Sandy: He sounds brave. Here's my driver's license with my name, Sandy Bigelow Patterson. Gotcha!

Sandy Patterson: You're diabolical.
Diana: Thank you.
Sandy Patterson: That's not a compliment.
Diana: I know.

Gary: This is all a dream?
Margaret: No.
Gary: I'm in a coma?
Margaret: No.
Gary: I'm dead? This is hell or purgatorium or something?
Margaret: Okay, purgatorium is where Romans vomited, but no, this is as real as anything can be.
Gary: What does that mean?
Margaret: Everything is what it is. You're not who you think you are.

Margaret: Good night, buttface.
Gary: Good night, you filthy whore.

Susan Cooper: Well, here's to your mom.
Rayna Boyanov: To my mother. And to you.
Susan Cooper: And here's to you. I mean you may never be as wise as an owl but you'll always be a hoot to me! Haha.
Rayna Boyanov: What a stupid fucking retarded toast. You're delightful.
Susan Cooper: As are you.

Susan Cooper: Where'd you get a suit?
Rick Ford: I fucking made it, didn't I?