Dick Kelly: The greatest gift a grandson can give his grandfather is a hot college girl who wants to have unprotected sex with him before he dies.
Lina Zander: Doris! Are you there? Are you there?
Doris Zander: Yes.
Lou Clark: I don't do much, okay. I go to work and I go to home and that's it.
Will Traynor: Wow, your life is even duller than mine.
Holly March: Dad, there's like whores here and stuff.
Holland March: Sweetheart, how many times have I told you? Don't say "and stuff." Just say "dad, there are whores here."
Holly March: Well, there's like a ton.
Nick Wilde: It's called a hustle, sweetheart.
Bob Stone: You're like a black Will Smith.