Joe Dixon: There are a whole bunch of Negros coming this way. And we're looking like a big ol' bucket of fried chicken.
Bob Stone: You're like a black Will Smith.
Kaiser Wilhelm II: I'm ashamed to say that before and after my first marriage I, myself, fathered at least two illegitimate children: one with an Austrian countess, another with a French prostitute who was known in court circles as Madame L'Amour. Both of them, incidentally, blackmailed me for huge sums of money, the Countess and the prostitute. I expected better of the prostitute.
Dave Stangle: Maybe Dad'll just forget about his ultimatum.
Mike Stangle: Why would Dad forget about an old tomato?
Dave Stangle: No, his ul... his ultimatum.
Mike Stangle: Old tom...?
Dave Stangle: Ultimatum.
Mike Stangle: Are you saying "old tomato"?
Dave Stangle: Ultima-tum, like a tomb or a crypt.
Claire: What was that thing you said about Einstein in there?
Raffi: Einstein called time a stubbornly persistant illusion.
Claire: Whats that even mean.
Raffi: Time doesn't go from January to December, or from noon to midnight. You know we all just make it that way in our heads.
Claire: That's absurd! Try telling that to a person who's an hour late to a wedding, or that's just been sentenced to 20 years in jail.
Raffi: Or someone fighting the baby clock.
Sgt. Comstock: Oh, you haven't seen it. I've seen it.
Capt. Sessions: You know I believe in God, John.
Sgt. Comstock: This is the opposite of God.
Apocalypse: All is revealed.
Elizabeth Bennet: Your abilities as a warrior are beyond reproach, Mr. Darcy. If only you were as good a friend.
Everett Lewis: Oh! When I was their age did the work o' ten men. Clean this yard, chop wood.
Mr. Hill: Yeah.
Everett Lewis: Built that fence.
Mr. Hill: Yes, but - You were here, around people. Everett? If someone applied for that job? Hire them.
Clarence Goobril: Wordness to the turdness.
Buster Moon: When you've reached rock bottom, there's only one way to go, and that's up.