Kevin Griswold: There was a hole in the side of my stall.
Rusty Griswold: Sounds like you found yourself a glory hole.
Kate Mercer: You used to love your birdwatching.
Geoff Mercer: I did, yes.
Kate Mercer: It's funny how you forget the things in life that make you happy.
Margaret: Look, isn't that those Nestrians?
Flamingo: Oh, yeah. Finally they found where they belong.
Lion: Yeah, probably we should've told them at the check-in, don't you think?
Pappas: I don't think you noticed or not but what went down was a crime.
Michael Stone: Sometimes there's no lesson. That's a lesson in itself.
Bruce Kenner: I am starting to use my head again.
Lucille Ball: This is Lucille Ball. All of us agree that the Constitution of the United States must be defended. But the way to do this is not by shutting up the man you disagree with. You must fight for his right to speak and be heard. All civil liberties go hand in hand. And when one goes, the others are weakened. Just as a collapse of one pillar in a house would endanger the whole structure.
Burt Gummer: That's right. Fly right into my crosshairs, you fire-farting son of a bitch.
Edmundo: You put the weed in the coconut, and light that shit up.
Vicki Summers: Gertie, I'm sorry for that time in junior high when I told everyone to start calling you Ba-Chunk-a-Dunk, and then I covered your locker in bacon. That was so crappy and I'm so sorry! I'm such a bad person.
Gertie Michaels: You're not, it's okay. If it makes you feel better, last summer I'm the one who spread the rumor that said you had a weird disease where you were always on your period.
Vicki Summers: Wow, that's evil.
Gertie Michaels: Thank you.
Dr. Hexler: Tell me about Lili... Where did she come from?
Einar Wegener: Inside of me.
Paul Shaffer: Bill.
Bill Murray: Paul.
Paul Shaffer: Yeah. Where we going?
Bill Murray: You haven't quit drinking yet, have you?
Paul Shaffer: Should I?
Bill Murray: Good man.
Pete: You brought your guitar.
Ricki: Yeah, just the one.
Bella: Oh please, like this cabin in the woods shit really happens.
Balem Abrasax: Bring her to me... Now.
Jane: That's the world, that's politics. That's how it works. It starts out with big promises and ends up with jackshit happening. But like the man said: "If voting changed anything, they'd make it illegal."
James: Just be glad you don't have what Samantha had got.
Riley: Why, what'd she have?
James: Well, you know, they're not really telling me much but my buddy over at the coroner's office said it's some kind of necrotic STD - it's some really gnarly shit.
Riley: Shit?
Riley: Yeah... well you didn't fuck her did you?
James: Neh... What? No.