Chainsaw: We just got lapped by an old lady in a walker.
Patty Winston: He hit me daddy! And then he kicked me in my hiney.
Patrick Morenski: Okay, on one end of the spectrum you've got homo, and on the other you've got hetero. Then there's me, way the fuck over here.
Buddy Revell: You know what Mitchell? You're the biggest pussy I've ever seen in my life. Didn't even try. How does that feel?
Ronald Miller: Nerds, jocks. My side, your side. It's all bullshit. Its hard enough just trying to be yourself.
Mrs. Biddle: This man out of absolutely nowhere, this man appeared. Heh! So charming. Not really handsome, but... riveting. Yes, that's the word. I was riveted. I was looking into his eyes, and I found myself thinking thoughts I hadn't entertained since World War II. I think I actually... blushed.
Chris Lecce: Problem?
Watts: Because I'm driving you crazy and you're driving me crazy and I'd rather not see you and have you think good things about me than have you see me and hate me. 'Cause I can't afford to have you hate me, Keith. The only things I care about in this goddamn life are me and my drums and you.
Paul Moore: It must be nice to always believe you know better, to always think you're the smartest person in the room.
Jane Craig: No. It's awful.
Dr. Cynthia Sheldrake: There is a distinct difference between killing someone and fucking them.
Sandy Brozinsky: Look, Frank. We're not just jerking you around. Some guys are after us because one of them stole a virus that's gonna kill and destroy all the plants and all the trees all the way around. We stole it back, so now they're gonna kill us. You get it?
Frank: Jesus. The sixties sure were good to you, weren't they?
Lauren Ames: Frank, that's right. Think back to the sixties. People did things for each other.
Frank: They were wasted.
Lester Bacon: Buddy's a good boy, but he has what you might call basic hygiene problems.
Ricky Caldwell: My old lady couldn't afford to send me to college. So I got a job. I was washing dishes, dumping trash... all that sort of shit. I think you're gonna like this next part. It sounded like some squirrel getting his nuts squeezed.
Selma: Murray, what are you doing on the weather?
Jimmy Garrett: A human pilot would react differently, because a human pilot would know that he's going to die.
Gramps: Don't call me sir! I ain't no politician.
Mr. Damnkids: Damn kids.
Foul Phil - Suit: My tummy hurts.
Greaser Greg - Suit: What did you eat?
Foul Phil - Suit: Everything.
Greaser Greg - Suit: That makes sense.
Eddie Murphy: Richard said, "The next time the motherfucker call, tell him I said, "Suck my dick." I don't give a fuck. Whatever the fuck make the people laugh, say that shit. Do the people laugh when you say what you say?" I said, "Yes." He said, "Do you get paid?" I said, "Yes." He said, "Well, tell Bill I said have a Coke and a smile and shut the fuck up. Jello pudding-eating motherfucker."