Pierce Hawthorne: Why would I sexually harass someone who turns me on?
Duncan: I'm a Professor. You can't talk to me that way!
Jeff Winger: A 6 year old girl could talk to you that way!
Duncan: Yes, because that would be adorable.
Jeff Winger: No, because you're a 5 year old girl and there's a pecking order!
Jeff Winger: I discovered at a very early age that if I talk long enough, I can make anything right or wrong. So either I'm God or truth is relative. In either case, booyah!
Duncan: Interesting, it's just that the average person has a much harder time saying 'booyah' to moral relativism.
Abed: I thought you were like Bill Murray in any of his films, but you're more like Michael Douglas in any of his films.
Jeff Winger: Yeah, well you have Aspergers.
Answer: His attempt to "kill" Jeff was to roll at him as an iPad on a stick. He knew it wouldn't work, but it played to the story that he was a killer as he knew Jeff would tell people about it, or attempt to retaliate for it.