Frasier

Frasier (1993)

16 quotes

Frasier: Niles, I would shave my head for you.
Niles: A gesture which becomes less significant with each passing year.

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Kisses Sweeter Than Wine - S3-E5

[Martin sees Frasier has a lot of cuts on his face from shaving.]
Martin: I thought you were just going to slit your wrists. Looks like you went for death by a thousand cuts.
Frasier: I cut myself shaving because I was shaving without water. Why was there no water? Because I had to move your chair, which gouged the floor, which made me call for Joe, who found bad pipes, which called for Cecil, who ate the cat that killed the rat that LIVED IN THE HOUSE THAT FRASIER BUILT!

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Frasier: Roger, at Cornell University they have an incredible piece of scientific equipment known as the Tunneling Electron Microscope. Now, this microscope is so powerful that by firing electrons you can actually see images of the atom, the infinitesimally minute building blocks of our universe. Roger, if I were using that microscope right now, I still wouldn't be able to locate my interest in your problem.

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Frasier: And though washing one's hands twenty to thirty times a day would be considered obsessive/compulsive, please bear in mind that your husband is a coroner. Thank you for your call, Jeanine. Roz, whom do we have next?

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Sleeping with the Enemy - S3-E6

Daphne: Oh, come on now, Dr Crane. It's not like men have never used sex to get what they want.
Frasier: How can we possibly use sex to get what we want?! Sex IS what we want!

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Roz in the Doghouse - S2-E12

Roz Doyle: Who is it?
Bulldog: It's Bulldog.
Roz Doyle: Shh, pretend we're not here.
Frasier: Roz, you just said "Who is it?"

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Frasier: Cupid and his arrow have declared me an endangered species.

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Frasier: Hello, Rachel. I'm listening.
Rachel: Oh, thanks for taking my call, Dr. Crane. Um, I'm involved in sort of a strange love triangle.
Frasier: Oh goody, this is sweeps week!

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Frasier: So, how do the calls look today?
Roz: Well, we've got a couple of jilted lovers, a man who's afraid of his car, a manic depressive, and three people who feel their lives are going nowhere.
Frasier: Oh, I love a Monday.

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Seat of Power - S2-E11

Frasier: You know the expression "Living well is the best revenge"?
Niles: Wonderful expression. I just don't know how true it is, you don't see it turning up in a lot of opera plots."Ludwig, maddened by the poisoning of his entire family, wreaked vengeance on Gunther in the third act by living well."

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Caught in the Act - S11-E15

[Frasier tries to convince Niles that sleeping with Nanny G is the right thing to do.]
Niles: Did you say something? Your penis was talking so loud I couldn't hear!

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The Two Mrs. Cranes - S4-E1

[Frasier is unaware Daphne is pretending to be married to Niles.]
Frasier: You've met Mrs. Crane?
Clive: She sure lights up a room, doesn't she?
Frasier: Yes. Usually by leaving it.

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Cubs Fan

Daphne: We're not the awful people you think we are!
Frasier: No! The truth is we've been lying to you all night!

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Roz: It's not like she worships the devil!
Frasier: She doesn't have to worship the devil! He worships her!

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Frasier: Niles, is there a light bulb over my head?
Niles: You have an idea?
Frasier: No, I'm asking if there's actually a light bulb over my head.

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The Candidate - S2-E7

Daphne: It makes me glad we don't have so many guns in England.
Frasier: You don't need guns, you have kidney pie.

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