Phaneron

Raging Abe Simpson and His Grumbling Grandson in 'The Curse of the Flying Hellfish' - S7-E22

Abe: [Showing Bart his tattoo] I got this in the second World War II.

Phaneron ★

Goo Goo Gai Pan - S16-E12

Chinese Consulate: Your adoption application is in perfect order, except for one thing. You forgot to fill out the name of your husband.
Selma: Husband.
Chinese Consulate: Of course. The Chinese government only allows wholesome married couples to adopt. No hen without cock. I apologize if that is a double entendre in your language. It is not in ours.
Selma: Don't worry, I'll just write my husband's name on this form. Have you ever heard of MacGyver?
Chinese Consulate: Oh yes. Big star. Big star. We know he's not married to you.

Phaneron ★

Tree House of Horror VIII - S9-E4

[Homer is shopping for a bomb shelter.]
Herman: Now this baby is called the "Withstandinator." It can take a six megaton blast. No more, no less.
Homer: Ooh.

Phaneron ★

Marge Be Not Proud - S7-E11

Gavin's mom: Gavin, don't you already have this game?
Gavin: No Mom, you idiot! I have "Bloodstorm" and "Bone Squad" and "Bloodstorm II," stupid!
Gavin's mom: Oh I'm sorry, honey. We'll take a "Bonestorm."
Gavin: We'll get two, I'm not sharing with Caitlin.
[A short time later, Bart is arrested for shoplifting.]
Gavin's mom: Tsk tsk tsk tsk. That boy's parents must have made some terrible mistakes.
Gavin: Shut up, Mom.

Phaneron ★

All Singing, All Dancing - S9-E11

Marge: We got the popcorn. Did you get "Waiting to Exhale?"
Homer: Well, they put us on the "Waiting to Exhale" waiting list, but they said "Don't hold your breath."

Phaneron ★

The Cartridge Family - S9-E5

TV Announcer: The Continental Soccer Association is coming to Springfield. It's all here: fast kicking, low scoring. And ties? You bet.
Bart: Hey Dad, how come you've never taken us to see a soccer game?
Homer: I don't know.
TV Announcer: You'll see all your favorite soccer stars. Like Arriaga, Arriaga II, Barriaga, Aruglia, and Pizzozza.
Homer: Oh, I've never heard of those people.
TV Announcer: And they'll all be signing autographs.
Homer: Woohoo!
TV Announcer: This match will determine once and for all which nation is the greatest on Earth. Mexico or Portugal.

Phaneron ★

Mr. Plow - S4-E9

Homer: When two best friends work together, not even God himself can stop them.
God: Oh, no? [God proceeds to melt all the snow in Springfield, effectively destroying Homer and Barney's snow plow businesses].

Phaneron ★

The Computer Wore Menace Shoes - S12-E6

Agnes: Seymour, are you looking at naked ladies?
Principal Skinner: No, mother.
Agnes: You sissy.

Phaneron ★

Tennis the Menace - S12-E12

Kent Brockman: That's game, set and match to us. But the real winners here are Marge's hors d'oeuvres.
Homer: Wow, how do you come up with such witty remarks?
Kent Brockman: Ha ha, well...
[Two men are suddenly shown in a news van giving Kent typed responses through an earpiece.]
Tech Guy #1: [to his coworker, who is typing out a response] Come on, come on. Hurry up. [The coworker hands him the response] "I guess you could say it's my racket."
Kent Brockman: I guess you could say I'm Iraqi.
Homer: [Gasps] Get off my property.

Phaneron ★

The Trouble With Trillions - S9-E20

IRS Agent: Mr. Simpson, this government computer can process over nine tax returns per day. Did you really think you could fool it?

Phaneron ★

The Frying Game - S13-E21

Lenny: If you ask me, Muhammad Ali in his prime was much better than anti-lock brakes.
Carl: Yeah, but what about Johnny Mathis vs. Diet Pepsi?
Moe: Oh, I cannot listen to this again.

Phaneron ★

Das Bus - S9-E14

Homer: Welcome to the Internet, my friend. How can I help you?
Comic Book Guy: I'm interested in upgrading my 28.8 kilobaud Internet connection to a 1.5 megabit fiber optic T-1 line. Will you be able to provide an IP router that's compatible with my token ring ethernet LAN configuration?
[The two look at each other awkwardly for a few seconds.]
Homer: Can I have some money now?

Phaneron ★

The Canine Mutiny - S8-E20

Groundskeeper Willie: Yeah, I bought your mutt, and I 'ate him. I 'ate his little face. I 'ate his guts. And I 'ate the way he's always barking, so I gave him to the church.
Bart: Oh, I see. You hate him, so you gave him to the church.
Groundskeeper Willie: Aye, I also 'ate the mess he left on me rug.

Phaneron ★

The Cartridge Family - S9-E5

Homer: I'd like to buy your deadliest gun, please.
Raphael: Aisle 6, next to the sympathy cards.

Phaneron ★

Lisa's Sax - S9-E3

Homer: Name one successful person who ever lived without air conditioning.
Marge: Balzac.
Homer: No need for potty mouth just because you can't think of one.

Phaneron ★

Lard of the Dance - S10-E1

[Two bandits have stolen the grease Homer is collecting to sell]
Homer: Hey, hey, you're taking our grease!
Grease Bandit #1: It's our grease now. [Takes away Homer's shovel and hits him over the head with it.]
Homer: Daaah!
Grease Bandit #2: We run the grease racket in this town.
Homer: Hey, that's my shovel.
Grease Bandit #1: We also run the shovel racket.

Phaneron ★

Lisa's Date with Density - S8-E7

Mr. Largo: Miss Simpson, do you find something funny about the word "tromboner?"

Phaneron ★

Lisa the Vegetarian - S7-E5

Homer: Marge, since I'm not talking to Lisa, could you please ask her to pass me the syrup?
Marge: Please pass your father the syrup, Lisa.
Lisa: Bart, tell Dad I'll only pass the syrup if it won't be used on any meat product.
Bart: You dunkin' your sausage in that syrup Homeboy?
Homer: Marge, tell Bart I just want to drink a nice glass of syrup like I do every morning.
Marge: Tell him yourself, you're ignoring Lisa, not Bart.
Homer: Bart, thank your mother for pointing that out.
Marge: Homer, you're not not talking to me, and secondly I heard what you said.
Homer: Lisa, tell your mother to get off my case.
Bart: Uh, Dad, Lisa's the one you're not talking to.
Homer: Bart, go to your room!
Lisa: Why don't you just eat him, Dad?
Homer: I don't need any serving suggestions from you, you barbecue-wrecking know-nothing know-it-all.

Phaneron ★

The Springfield Files - S8-E10

Leonard Nimoy: The following tale of alien encounters is true. And by true, I mean false. It's all lies. But they're entertaining lies. And in the end, isn't that the real truth? The answer is no.

Phaneron ★

Marge vs. the Monorail - S4-E12

Leonard Nimoy: I'd say this vessel could do at least warp five.
Mayor Quimby: And let me say, may the Force be with you.
Leonard Nimoy: Do you even know who I am?
Mayor Quimby: I think I do. Weren't you one of the Little Rascals?

Phaneron ★