Phaneron

Me and Mr. Joad - S2-E4

Mr. Feeny: I realise that all you 7th-graders are delicate, adolescent flowers, just beginning your high school blooming. And so I say this with utmost sensitivity: take this test, or die!

Phaneron ★

Six Forgotten Warriors Chapter 2: Unclaimed Legacy - S5-E3

Silver Sable: I am not a criminal. I am merely a professional for hire.
Spider-Man: Which means you just work for whichever creep pays the most. I think I prefer these guys over here. Their dishonesty is more honest.

Phaneron ★

[Marv is being executed].
Preacher: Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death...
Marv: Could you get a move on? I haven't got all night.

Phaneron ★

Tree House of Horror IX - S10-E4

Chief Wiggum: Homer Simpson, you're under arrest for the murders of Moe Szyslak and Apu Nahasa... pasa... uh, just Moe. Just Moe.

Phaneron ★

Bart vs. Australia - S6-E16

Homer: [Looking at Uruguay on a globe] Heh heh heh heh! Look at this country: U R Gay.

Phaneron ★

Milhouse Doesn't Live Here Anymore - S15-E12

Apu: Attention American bar devils: it's our anniversary. Free drinks for everyone.
Homer: That's great! I'm honored to drink to Apu and, uh, Apulina. You know, Marge and I have an anniversary coming up.
Apu: I have given Manjula many gifts, including a bouquet of flowers, diamond earrings, and we're going to see Paris... Hilton, in Paris... Texas, on our way to Paris... France.

Phaneron ★

Partners in Danger Chapter 8: The Return of the Green Goblin - S4-E8

The Punisher: Your friend Osborn here is a few pumpkins short of a full pie.

Phaneron ★

Margical History Tour - S15-E11

Homer: And now, the star of our show: my son, Mozart. He makes Bach turn back, Haydn go into hidin', and, well, those are the only ones there have been so far.

Phaneron ★

HOMR - S12-E9

Homer: Hey Flanders, headin' for church? Well, I thought I could save you a little time.
Flanders: Ooh, found a new shortcut?
Homer: Better. I was working on a flat-tax proposal and I accidentally proved there's no god.

Phaneron ★

Hello Gutter, Hello Fadder - S11-E6

Lenny: Hey Homer, that's four strikes in a row. You've got a perfect game goin'.
Homer: Really?
Carl: Careful what you say, Lenny. You'll jinx it.
Lenny: Alright, sorry. Miss. Miss! Sorry, I was callin' the waitress. Uh, this split you sold me is makin' me choke.
Homer: Lenny!
Lenny: What? I paid $7.10 for this split.
Carl: Will you at least call it a banana split, you dumb-wad!?
Lenny: Hey, spare me your gutter mouth!

Phaneron ★

Dude, Where's My Ranch? - S14-E18

The Simpsons Family: ♪ Just hear those sleigh bells jingling...
Blue-haired Lawyer: Cease and desist! You are forbidden to perform that song without paying royalties to the copyright owner.
Marge: Nobody owns Christmas carols. They belong to everyone, like grapes at the grocery store.
Blue-haired Lawyer: Not true, but you are welcome to sing the many public domain carols, such as "O Tannenbaum," "Good King Wenceslas," "Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring."
Homer: Those suck! They're worse than nothing! I could write way better songs.
Blue-haired Lawyer: Go ahead, but don't use A-flat or G-natural, those notes are owned by Disney.
Homer: [Moans.]
Blue-haired Lawyer: That's A-flat.
Homer: [Moans in a higher pitch.]
Blue-haired Lawyer: That's better.

Phaneron ★

Benedict: Hello? I've just shot somebody, I did it on purpose. I said I have murdered a man, and I want to confess.
New Yorker: Hey, shut up down there!

Phaneron ★

The Last Temptation of Krust - S9-E15

Hank WIlliams, Jr.: ♪Can you name the truck with four-wheel drive? Smells like a steak and seats thirty-five. Canyonero. Canyonero. Well, it goes real slow with the hammer down. It's the country-fried truck endorsed by a clown. Canyonero. Canyonero.
Krusty: Hey hey!
Announcer: The Federal Highway Commission has ruled the Canyonero unsafe for highway or city driving.
Hank Williams, Jr.: ♪Twelve yards long, two lanes wide, 65 tons of American pride. Canyonero. Canyonero. Top of the line in utility sports. Unexplained fires are a matter for the courts. Canyonero. Canyonero. She blinds everybody with her super high beams. She's a squirrel-squashin', deer-smackin', drivin' machine. Canyonero. Canyonero. Ya! Ya Canyonero! Whoa Canyonero! Whoa!

Phaneron ★

Fear of Flying - S6-E11

Homer: Wait a minute. There's something bothering me about this place. I know, this lesbian bar doesn't have a fire exit! Enjoy your death trap, ladies!
Lesbian: What was her problem?

Phaneron ★

Homer vs. Dignity - S12-E5

Mr. Burns: You're so much more fun than Smithers. Why, he doesn't know the meaning of the word "gay."

Phaneron ★

Bart Carny - S9-E12

Nelson: You wrecked Hitler's car! What did he ever do to you?

Phaneron ★

Angry Dick - S1-E13

Dick: [Reading from TV Guide] "Jerry dates a blind girl [Repeat]. Jerry dates a blind girl." It gains nothing the second time.

Phaneron ★

I Am Dick Pentameter! - S4-E6

Dick: You have a little tofu on your lip.
Jennifer: This smoothie is delicious. Please have a sip.
Dick: Ah, thank you. But, no, just uh, please, go like this [makes wiping motion near his mouth].
Jennifer: I've got an idea, how 'bout we kiss?
Dick: Okay, time out, you're missing my point.
Jennifer: Finish your food and we'll blow this joint.
Dick: Just listen to me, you have tofu on your lip. It's been there for what seems like an eternity, now please just flick it the hell off your face! [She despondently wipes her face.] Thank you, that's better. Now we can embrace.

Phaneron ★

Bart the Mother - S10-E3

Librarian: You've checked this bible out every weekend for the last nine years. Wouldn't it be easier to just buy one?
Reverend Lovejoy: Perhaps, on a librarian's salary.

Phaneron ★

Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming - S7-E9

Chief Wiggum: Hey, where is Sideshow Bob and that guy who, uh, eats people and takes their faces?
Guy Who Eats People and Takes Their Faces: I'm right here, Chief.
Chief WIggum: Oh. Then where's Sideshow Bob?
Prisoner: Eh, he ran off.
Chief Wiggum: Oh great! Well if anyone asks, uh, I beat him to death. Okay?
Officer Lou: Right.

Phaneron ★